Keep the third piece of wisdom for your own use, and let me have the gold.
"I have no money with me," said the Wizard, evasively.
Just give me a minute.
And--pardon me for the foolish question--but, are you all invisible?
What did you want me to say?
If they give me plenty of it I'll not complain about its color.
Will you give me a cup of tea?
Follow me, please, to meet your doom.
My, aren't you the night owl tonight - the boy who has been dancing with me half the night.
Oh, don't speak to me of Austria.
These, to me, are the most exciting companies to look at.
They have told me nothing, and probably cannot tell me anything to the purpose.
"And then will you give me more?" he asked.
But I warn you, if you don't tell me that this means war, if you still try to defend the infamies and horrors perpetrated by that Antichrist--I really believe he is Antichrist--I will have nothing more to do with you and you are no longer my friend, no longer my 'faithful slave,' as you call yourself!
You plotted against me, you lied to Prince Andrew about my relations with that Frenchwoman and made me quarrel with him, but you see I need neither her nor you!
Do me a favor and don't listen to Dulce.
"Give me the Star of Royalty!" she commanded.
They are no bigger than mice, and I'm sure mice are proper for me to eat.
"Mind, Annette, I hope you have not played a wicked trick on me," she added, turning to her hostess.
For God's sake send me somewhere else if only in command of a regiment.
Hope that you'll start accepting me as your husband - your mate; not just a lover.
"It sounds delightful to me," Alondra said, leaning back on the couch.
"It will try to bite me," he thought.
Remember the notion that the Internet wouldn't turn out to be only for one purpose—that while my car is clearly for taking me places, the Internet won't be for doing one single task, but many?
Here is life, an experiment to a great extent untried by me; but it does not avail me that they have tried it.
What demon possessed me that I behaved so well?
You weren't going to introduce him to me... or Tessa?
I have travelled a good deal in Concord; and everywhere, in shops, and offices, and fields, the inhabitants have appeared to me to be doing penance in a thousand remarkable ways.
He doesn't force me to do what he wants.
It was, however—and this is sure to earn me the wrath of many humanities professors—a time of surprisingly little originality.
They tell me I walked the day I was a year old.
Allow me to speak....
Will you show me how to do that?
"No wonder you didn't want to tell me why you had to go," she accused in a cold tone.
I don't use history to predict the future, like some talisman that lets me pick winning lottery numbers (don't I wish).
But even if I had a robot that knew everything, I couldn't really say, "Tell me every custom they have here" and be fully informed.
Early one morning, however, the fever left me as suddenly and mysteriously as it had come.
"Excuse me, your excellency," he began.
"Go and get it for me," said the old prince to Mademoiselle Bourienne.
Give me one of those polo shirts and I'll go wash up.
Thank you for getting me off the hook.
"Not for me," Carmen said instantly, and then blushed.
It is not for me to say how he spends his money.
I want what you have - a husband who loves me - and children.
Don't tell me he's never mentioned me.
I'm glad you saved me the trouble.
Carmen, remember what you said to me before we married?
"It sounds dull to me," Dulce said, and stood.
So tell me, are you enjoying this vacation?
He has seen me in my blindness, and is trying to open my eyes.
The impulse gone, I fell down and cried for her to take me up in her arms.
Let me know at once when you will start.
You must please excuse me, he went on apologetically.
He gave me his word he would not retreat, but suddenly sent instructions that he was retiring that night.
What are you going to hide from me that I haven't already seen?
"It isn't the seating arrangements that bother me," he said.
"Alex tells me you have some nice horses on your ranch," Carmen said to Señor Medena.
Are you sure you don't want me to take her?
I knew because he proved to me that I could trust him with my heart and soul - the way you trust your mother and father.
"I thought I remembered you telling me that," he said, sitting down on the bed.
To me, a beautiful horse is one that looks friendly.
"I thought he was going to beat you to me again," "Who?" he asked again.
If he treats me differently than others, I'm sure it's because we are married.
Why didn't you tell me Dulce was giving you a hard time?
"But you thought you should defend me," he said in a calculating tone.
I guess it does sound dull when I talk about it, but it's never dull to me, and Alex seems to be happy with things.
You're supposed to be taking care of me, but that isn't realistic 100% of the time, is it?
You keep telling me it's in the past - until you can dig it back up and throw it in my face again.
He was just showing me a house he said he was giving as a wedding gift.
Why would he want me down here?
I think you owe me an explanation.
You didn't say a word to your father, but you snarled at me as though I did something wrong.
"I don't know why you didn't just undress me when you put me in bed," she said.
That's what's been bothering me all this time.
You led me to believe we needed money... and you left me.
You would have had to tell me about an entire family you'd been hiding.
"And of me," he said.
I'm not all that secretive, but you were the one who kept telling me that if he wanted you to know, he'd tell you.
My whole name is Zebediah; but folks just call me 'Zeb.'
This is a nice scrape you've got me into, isn't it?
I've tumbled through the air long enough to make me contented on this roof.
My sorcery tells me so.
Let me see you equal the sorcery I am about to perform.
Will somebody kindly loan me a hat?
"Ahem!" said the Wizard, "will somebody please loan me a handkerchief?"
Now, good people, observe me carefully.
"Let me see it," said the Sorcerer.
He won't need to destroy ME, for if I don't get something to eat pretty soon I shall starve to death, and so save him the trouble.
"Dear me!" murmured the Wizard, looking at his pets in astonishment.
"Come here, please--Ianu and your sister--and let me feel of you," she requested.
"It occurs to me you have a great deal to make you happy, even while invisible," remarked the Wizard.
Now you must feed me, Dorothy, for I'm half starved.
"I don't know," Dorothy answered; "but it would hurt me dre'fully to lose you."
"Very well, I won't touch it," decided the kitten; "but you must keep it away from me, for the smell is very tempting."
"But tell me," said Dorothy, "how did such a brave Champion happen to let the bears eat him?
"Yes," sighed Eureka; "and I also can see you again, and the sight makes me dreadfully hungry.
You haven't many teeth left, Jim, but the few you have are sharp enough to make me shudder.
"Couldn't you manage to hold me in your arms?" asked the cab-horse.
All I need do is to wish you with me, and there you'll be--safe in the royal palace!
I wonder if they would treat me nicely if I went there again.
I told them I was a Wizard, and showed them some easy tricks that amazed them; and when they saw the initials painted on the balloon they called me Oz.
I'm very certain, Oz, that you gave me the best brains in the world, for I can think with them day and night, when all other brains are fast asleep.
"You have queer friends, seems to me," replied the kitten, in a surly tone.
"Seems to me the same way," said Billina, scornfully, "if that beastly cat is one of them."
Do you take me for a salamander?
Do you take me for a tom-cat?
Do you take me for a weasel?
Ozma sprinkled me with a magic powder, and I just had to live.
I know I'm not much account; but I'm the only horse in all the Land of Oz, so they treat me with great respect.
"Look at me!" he cried.
"The flies never trouble me," said the Saw-Horse.
"It is not necessary for me to eat," observed the Sawhorse.
"I'm glad of that," said Jim; "for I, also, have a conscience, and it tells me not to crush in your skull with a blow of my powerful hoof."
If I could eat grass I would not need a conscience, for nothing could then tempt me to devour babies and lambs.
But here comes Ozma; so I'd better hush up, for the Princess doesn't like me to chatter since she changed her name from Tip to Ozma.
I only wish there was a real horse here for me to race with.
"I suppose I ought to give the wooden dummy a good start of me," growled Jim.
"Why do you want me?" asked Eureka, disturbed by this threat.
"Tell me, Eureka," said the Princess, gently: "did you eat my pretty piglet?"
"Who accuses me?" asked the kitten, defiantly.
Tell them it would be foolish for me to eat the piglet, because I had sense enough to know it would raise a row if I did.
Give me my pet, Nick Chopper!
"But Uncle Henry and Aunt Em need me to help them," she added, "so I can't ever be very long away from the farm in Kansas."
When I jerk it, then pull me out as quickly as you can.
"Have you a room here for me?" he asked the landlord.
"Well, then," answered the stranger, "I will see what they can do for me at the Planters' Tavern, round the corner;" and he rode away.
"The next time he comes," said the Dean, "let me know, and I will go to the door."
Send word to the captain not to wait for me, for I have changed my mind.
How would you like to live with me, Giotto?
I deceived only the birds, but you have deceived me, a painter.
Men have told me that there is no riddle so cunning that you can not solve it.
He does me a favor by allowing you to ride on the animal, and I do him a favor by taking care of it.
But won't it look rather funny for me to ride to Exeter on a sidesaddle?
But tell me why you so deliberately broke the rule against whispering.
"Will you give it to me, mother?" asked little Alfred.
"Mother," he said, "will you let me see that beautiful book again?"
"I asked the monk, Brother Felix, to teach me," said Alfred.
And every day since you showed me the book, he has given me a lesson.
You can't make me believe that, said the robber; and he hurried away to rob one of the rich merchants.
"Very well, then," said the shah, "stay with me a little while and observe what you can."
"Tell me about it," said the shah.
This treasure does not belong to me, for I bought only the ground; but when I offered it to my neighbor he refused it.
"Then let me ask you a question," said the shah.
"Surrender your city to me," said Coriolanus.
Allow me to sing to you my latest and best song.
What news can you give me concerning my friend Arion, the sweetest of all musicians?
Let me tell you something, my little brothers, my little sisters: You ought always to love God and praise Him.
"Because, since these other slaves do everything, there is nothing left for me to perform," said Aesop.
"Mr. Randolph," answered the innkeeper, "you have paid your bill and don't owe me a cent.
You cannot please me better.
Set me on shore and leave me there.
Give me a few common tools and some food, and I will do well enough, said the sailor.
Oh, do not leave me here.
Take me back, and I will give you no more trouble.
_Dearest Carl; You are a good boy to send me all your wages, for now I can pay the rent and buy some warm clothing for your little sister.
You have taught me a lesson.
Fancy me carrying a turkey along the street! said the young gentleman; and he began to grow very angry.
It was no trouble to me, and you are welcome.
"Who is that polite old gentleman who carried my turkey for me?" he asked of the market man.
Find all the old men that live on the mountains or in the flat country around, and command them to appear before me one week from to-day.
But, as I came to your palace this morning, I kept saying to myself, 'When our lord Al Mansour learns just how it was that I borrowed the gold, I have no doubt that in his kindness of heart he will forgive me the debt.'
"No," said Al Mansour, "it is for me to reward the man as he deserves."
But one day after he had become a man, he said: Tell me about the great world which, you say, lies outside of these palace walls.
Bring me your Sunday suit, Charlot.
"How did these clothes come on me?" cried the child.
You have stolen my clothes and have given me these ugly things.
"Of course she will be glad to know that," said the boy; "but she has no time to bother about me to-night."
"Mine gives me fine clothes and plenty of money to spend," said the stranger.
Mine makes the servants wait on me and do as I tell them.
This charcoal man, whom I know very well, ran past me with a child in his arms.
But really, I fell into the pool at the fountain, and this kind man brought me here to get me dry.
Give me the tripod.
"To me!" said the astonished Thales.
The essence of my car is that it takes me places I want to go.
But as I watch how we are building and using the Internet, the one-on-one encounters impress me most.
We are talking about a setting to your Digital Echo file that says, "Information that isn't tied to me personally can be contributed to pools of rolled-up data."
A website called Wolfram Alpha is amazing to me, especially in its aspirations.
Now, don't get me wrong.
Armed with this data, it will suggest different products to me than to you.
To me, those stories feel a bit desperate.
Let me introduce you to him.
This gives me confidence that, in the wisdom-seeking systems of the future, people will be willing to share data to make the algorithms better.
Don't get me wrong: Privacy issues in the future will be thorny to work through.
It would know all my food sensitivities and alert me if a single bite had these substances in it.
That difference gives me brown eyes and you blue eyes.
If I get my credit card bill and call up and dispute a charge, the benefit of the doubt is given to me, that I am telling the truth.
As my professors told me the first day I started studying economics in college (and never tired of repeating), scarcity is the central underlying assumption of all economic theory.
He explained to me that with a lawnmower, one person would be able to do the job and eleven men would be unemployed.
Any task that could be done a machine is, by definition, dehumanizing to a human being.
This leads me to my second italicized statement:
And that brings me to my final italicized point: The most underutilized resource in the universe is human potential.
Don't get me wrong: I love technology.
Let me offer my reasoning on this.
I might enjoy that kind of banter with a real person I will never meet, talking to me from a distant state.
So, spare me your cute robots with human names.
Choose whichever of those you are comfortable with, but let me illustrate with a single example.
Please bear with me and keep your mind open for a minute longer.
The memory for that computer cost me $40 per MB, just under $200.
Makes me hungry just thinking about it.)
Now, let me pose a different question: In the vastly-more-prosperous future, what will "working hard for our money" even mean?
But it really is no different than me thinking it is my birthright to be able to have freedom of speech.
To me, this makes the problem of hunger that much sadder in the present—to realize that the planet has enough food, just not enough generosity.
Let me explain this characterization.
I ask the reader to resist the urge to pigeonhole me until the end of the section.
Let me start with a few caveats.
In any case, it seems better to me than irradiating corn, planting it, and hoping to hit a jackpot.
Me ordering a second helping of corn on the cob while dining at the Black Eyed Pea also increases demand for corn, but for doing so, I shouldn't stand trial for murder.
I don't recall ever being in a department store, drinking from the water fountain, and having the staff look at me disapprovingly because I was running up the water bill.
But it is obvious to me that we can end war.
This is not me fighting against the tide of history but being swept along with it.
So, when I tell you we will see the end of war, if you are over thirty-five years of age, you have every reason to roll your eyes and tell me you have seen this movie before and aren't up for the sequel.
This is simply another form of trade, so some might accuse me of double counting some of my forty-three reasons war will end.
That's what interests me about this story (which may or may not be purely true): What Simonides did—recalling the names and locations of everyone at a large banquet—is described as entirely possible and an enviable, practical skill.
He taught me everything I know about old cars and why they are cool.
I lived, up to the time of the illness that deprived me of my sight and hearing, in a tiny house consisting of a large square room and a small one, in which the servant slept.
On a sudden thought I ran upstairs before any one could stop me, to put on my idea of a company dress.
This made me so angry at times that I kicked and screamed until I was exhausted.
But I cannot remember any instance in which this feeling prevented me from repeating the naughtiness when I failed to get what I wanted.
Many of them were so tame that they would eat from my hand and let me feel them.
One big gobbler snatched a tomato from me one day and ran away with it.
The milkers would let me keep my hands on the cows while they milked, and I often got well switched by the cow for my curiosity.
Of course I did not know what it was all about, but I enjoyed the pleasant odours that filled the house and the tidbits that were given to Martha Washington and me to keep us quiet.
This vexed me and the lesson always ended in a one-sided boxing match.
The apron did not dry quickly enough to suit me, so I drew nearer and threw it right over the hot ashes.
The fire leaped into life; the flames encircled me so that in a moment my clothes were blazing.
Throwing a blanket over me, she almost suffocated me, but she put out the fire.
After my teacher, Miss Sullivan, came to me, I sought an early opportunity to lock her in her room.
His special pride was the big garden where, it was said, he raised the finest watermelons and strawberries in the county; and to me he brought the first ripe grapes and the choicest berries.
I remember his caressing touch as he led me from tree to tree, from vine to vine, and his eager delight in whatever pleased me.
She is so near to me that it almost seems indelicate to speak of her.
I knew that I had ceased to be my mother's only darling, and the thought filled me with jealousy.
One day something happened which seemed to me to be adding insult to injury.
My parents at once determined to take me to Baltimore to see if anything could be done for my eyes.
One lady gave me a box of shells.
My father made holes in these so that I could string them, and for a long time they kept me happy and contented.
His punch, with which he let me play, was a delightful toy.
My aunt made me a big doll out of towels.
Curiously enough, the absence of eyes struck me more than all the other defects put together.
He held me on his knee while I examined his watch, and he made it strike for me.
Anger and bitterness had preyed upon me continually for weeks and a deep languor had succeeded this passionate struggle.
"Light! give me light!" was the wordless cry of my soul, and the light of love shone on me in that very hour.
The morning after my teacher came she led me into her room and gave me a doll.
But my teacher had been with me several weeks before I understood that everything has a name.
She brought me my hat, and I knew I was going out into the warm sunshine.
This thought, if a wordless sensation may be called a thought, made me hop and skip with pleasure.
I do not remember what they all were; but I do know that mother, father, sister, teacher were among them--words that were to make the world blossom for me, "like Aaron's rod, with flowers."
Long before I learned to do a sum in arithmetic or describe the shape of the earth, Miss Sullivan had taught me to find beauty in the fragrant woods, in every blade of grass, and in the curves and dimples of my baby sister's hand.
She linked my earliest thoughts with nature, and made me feel that "birds and flowers and I were happy peers."
But about this time I had an experience which taught me that nature is not always kind.
I knew the sky was black, because all the heat, which meant light to me, had died out of the atmosphere.
A shiver ran through the tree, and the wind sent forth a blast that would have knocked me off had I not clung to the branch with might and main.
The small twigs snapped and fell about me in showers.
A wild impulse to jump seized me, but terror held me fast.
The mere thought filled me with terror.
At first, when my teacher told me about a new thing I asked very few questions.
Her words puzzled me very much because I did not then understand anything unless I touched it.
It seemed to me that there could be nothing more beautiful than the sun, whose warmth makes all things grow.
I thought it strange that my teacher could not show me love.
From the beginning of my education Miss Sullivan made it a practice to speak to me as she would speak to any hearing child; the only difference was that she spelled the sentences into my hand instead of speaking them.
This she did by repeating to me as far as possible, verbatim, what she heard, and by showing me how I could take part in the conversation.
As soon as I could spell a few words my teacher gave me slips of cardboard on which were printed words in raised letters.
One day, Miss Sullivan tells me, I pinned the word girl on my pinafore and stood in the wardrobe.
Nothing delighted me so much as this game.
Everything Miss Sullivan taught me she illustrated by a beautiful story or a poem.
Whenever anything delighted or interested me she talked it over with me just as if she were a little girl herself.
She went quickly over uninteresting details, and never nagged me with questions to see if I remembered the day-before-yesterday's lesson.
The loveliness of things taught me all their use.
The illustrative strings and the orange stick representing the poles seemed so real that even to this day the mere mention of temperate zone suggests a series of twine circles; and I believe that if any one should set about it he could convince me that white bears actually climb the North Pole.
Miss Sullivan tried to teach me to count by stringing beads in groups, and by arranging kintergarten straws I learned to add and subtract.
After I had learned a great many interesting things about the life and habits of the children of the sea--how in the midst of dashing waves the little polyps build the beautiful coral isles of the Pacific, and the foraminifera have made the chalk-hills of many a land--my teacher read me "The Chambered Nautilus," and showed me that the shell-building process of the mollusks is symbolical of the development of the mind.
When she came, everything about me breathed of love and joy and was full of meaning.
My teacher is so near to me that I scarcely think of myself apart from her.
All the best of me belongs to her--there is not a talent, or an aspiration or a joy in me that has not been awakened by her loving touch.
Every one in the family prepared surprises for me, but what pleased me most, Miss Sullivan and I prepared surprises for everybody else.
Miss Sullivan and I kept up a game of guessing which taught me more about the use of language than any set lessons could have done.
When I learned that there was a gift for each child, I was delighted, and the kind people who had prepared the tree permitted me to hand the presents to the children.
But when my teacher presented me with a canary, my cup of happiness overflowed.
Miss Sullivan taught me to take all the care of my new pet.
When I returned I felt a big cat brush past me as I opened the door.
I was no longer a restless, excitable little creature, requiring the attention of everybody on the train to keep me amused.
On the seat opposite me sat my big rag doll, Nancy, in a new gingham dress and a beruffled sunbonnet, looking at me out of two bead eyes.
When I next saw her she was a formless heap of cotton, which I should not have recognized at all except for the two bead eyes which looked out at me reproachfully.
It delighted me inexpressibly to find that they knew the manual alphabet.
It took me some time to appreciate the fact that my new friends were blind.
I knew I could not see; but it did not seem possible that all the eager, loving children who gathered round me and joined heartily in my frolics were also blind.
One day spent with the blind children made me feel thoroughly at home in my new environment, and I looked eagerly from one pleasant experience to another as the days flew swiftly by.
The story of the brave men who had fought on the spot where we stood excited me greatly.
But the rumble of the machinery made me think it was thundering, and I began to cry, because I feared if it rained we should not be able to have our picnic out of doors.
I have often held in my hand a little model of the Plymouth Rock which a kind gentleman gave me at Pilgrim Hall, and I have fingered its curves, the split in the centre and the embossed figures "1620," and turned over in my mind all that I knew about the wonderful story of the Pilgrims.
Their kindness to me was the seed from which many pleasant memories have since grown.
Mr. Endicott told me about the great ships that came sailing by from Boston, bound for Europe.
I saw him many times after that, and he was always a good friend to me; indeed, I was thinking of him when I called Boston "the City of Kind Hearts."
The buoyant motion of the water filled me with an exquisite, quivering joy.
The waves seemed to be playing a game with me, and tossed me from one to another in their wild frolic.
At last, however, the sea, as if weary of its new toy, threw me back on the shore, and in another instant I was clasped in my teacher's arms.
It suddenly occurred to me that he might make a delightful pet; so I seized him by the tail with both hands and carried him home.
This feat pleased me highly, as his body was very heavy, and it took all my strength to drag him half a mile.
The savoury odour of the meat made me hungry long before the tables were set.
I used to sit in my mother's lap all day long and keep my hands on her face because it amused me to feel the motions of her lips; and I moved my lips, too, although I had forgotten what talking was.
This feeling began to agitate me with a vexing, forward-reaching sense of a lack that should be filled.
Mrs. Lamson had scarcely finished telling me about this girl's success before I was on fire with eagerness.
This lovely, sweet-natured lady offered to teach me herself, and we began the twenty-sixth of March, 1890.
Miss Fuller's method was this: she passed my hand lightly over her face, and let me feel the position of her tongue and lips when she made a sound.
Only such a one can appreciate the eagerness with which I talked to my toys, to stones, trees, birds and dumb animals, or the delight I felt when at my call Mildred ran to me or my dogs obeyed my commands.
It is an unspeakable boon to me to be able to speak in winged words that need no interpretation.
Miss Fuller and Miss Sullivan could understand me, but most people would not have understood one word in a hundred.
Discouragement and weariness cast me down frequently; but the next moment the thought that I should soon be at home and show my loved ones what I had accomplished, spurred me on, and I eagerly looked forward to their pleasure in my achievement.
"My little sister will understand me now," was a thought stronger than all obstacles.
It astonished me to find how much easier it is to talk than to spell with the fingers, and I discarded the manual alphabet as a medium of communication on my part; but Miss Sullivan and a few friends still use it in speaking to me, for it is more convenient and more rapid than lip-reading.
One who reads or talks to me spells with his hand, using the single-hand manual alphabet generally employed by the deaf.
My eyes fill with tears now as I think how my mother pressed me close to her, speechless and trembling with delight, taking in every syllable that I spoke, while little Mildred seized my free hand and kissed it and danced, and my father expressed his pride and affection in a big silence.
Now, if words and images come to me without effort, it is a pretty sure sign that they are not the offspring of my own mind, but stray waifs that I regretfully dismiss.
I suppose that is because so many of my impressions come to me through the medium of others' eyes and ears.
Some one asked me if I had read it in a book.
This question surprised me very much; for I had not the faintest recollection of having had it read to me.
It was difficult to make me understand this; but when I did understand I was astonished and grieved.
He was unusually tender and kind to me, and for a brief space the shadow lifted.
How well I remember the graceful draperies that enfolded me, the bright autumn leaves that wreathed my head, and the fruit and grain at my feet and in my hands, and beneath all the piety of the masque the oppressive sense of coming ill that made my heart heavy.
I think if this sorrow had come to me when I was older, it would have broken my spirit beyond repairing.
But the fact remains that Miss Canby's story was read to me once, and that long after I had forgotten it, it came back to me so naturally that I never suspected that it was the child of another mind.
I represent my teacher as saying to me of the golden autumn leaves, "Yes, they are beautiful enough to comfort us for the flight of summer"--an idea direct from Miss Canby's story.
This habit of assimilating what pleased me and giving it out again as my own appears in much of my early correspondence and my first attempts at writing.
It shows me that I could express my appreciation of beautiful and poetic ideas in clear and animated language.
Everything I found in books that pleased me I retained in my memory, consciously or unconsciously, and adapted it.
It seems to me that the great difficulty of writing is to make the language of the educated mind express our confused ideas, half feelings, half thoughts, when we are little more than bundles of instinctive tendencies.
So this sad experience may have done me good and set me thinking on some of the problems of composition.
It was with the hope of restoring my self-confidence that she persuaded me to write for the Youth's Companion a brief account of my life.
The captain showed me Columbus's cabin and the desk with an hour-glass on it.
Mr. Higinbotham, President of the World's Fair, kindly gave me permission to touch the exhibits, and with an eagerness as insatiable as that with which Pizarro seized the treasures of Peru, I took in the glories of the Fair with my fingers.
Dr. Bell went everywhere with us and in his own delightful way described to me the objects of greatest interest.
In the electrical building we examined the telephones, autophones, phonographs, and other inventions, and he made me understand how it is possible to send a message on wires that mock space and outrun time, and, like Prometheus, to draw fire from the sky.
He taught me Latin grammar principally; but he often helped me in arithmetic, which I found as troublesome as it was uninteresting.
Mr. Irons also read with me Tennyson's "In Memoriam."
Miss Sullivan sat beside me at my lessons, spelling into my hand whatever Mr. Irons said, and looking up new words for me.
The thought of going to college took root in my heart and became an earnest desire, which impelled me to enter into competition for a degree with seeing and hearing girls, in the face of the strong opposition of many true and wise friends.
Each day Miss Sullivan went to the classes with me and spelled into my hand with infinite patience all that the teachers said.
In study hours she had to look up new words for me and read and reread notes and books I did not have in raised print.
Mr. Gilman instructed me part of the year in English literature.
Some of the girls learned to speak to me, so that Miss Sullivan did not have to repeat their conversation.
So Mildred stayed with me in Cambridge, and for six happy months we were hardly ever apart.
It makes me most happy to remember the hours we spent helping each other in study and sharing our recreation together.
It was thought advisable for me to have my examinations in a room by myself, because the noise of the typewriter might disturb the other girls.
Mr. Gilman read all the papers to me by means of the manual alphabet.
Mr. Gilman sat beside me and read the paper through first, then sentence by sentence, while I repeated the words aloud, to make sure that I understood him perfectly.
Mr. Gilman spelled to me what I had written, and I made such changes as I thought necessary, and he inserted them.
At Radcliffe no one reads the papers to me after they are written, and I have no opportunity to correct errors unless I finish before the time is up.
In the finals, no one read my work over to me, and in the preliminaries I offered subjects with some of which I was in a measure familiar before my work in the Cambridge school; for at the beginning of the year I had passed examinations in English, History, French and German, which Mr. Gilman gave me from previous Harvard papers.
I remember that the day the Latin paper was brought to us, Professor Schilling came in and informed me I had passed satisfactorily in German.
This encouraged me greatly, and I sped on to the end of the ordeal with a light heart and a steady hand.
The classes I was in were very large, and it was impossible for the teachers to give me special instruction.
As I have said before, I had no aptitude for mathematics; the different points were not explained to me as fully as I wished.
It was not until Mr. Keith taught me that I had a clear idea of mathematics.
In the end the difference of opinion between Mr. Gilman and Miss Sullivan resulted in my mother's withdrawing my sister Mildred and me from the Cambridge school.
From February to July, 1898, Mr. Keith came out to Wrentham twice a week, and taught me algebra, geometry, Greek and Latin.
For eight months Mr. Keith gave me lessons five times a week, in periods of about an hour.
He was always gentle and forbearing, no matter how dull I might be, and believe me, my stupidity would often have exhausted the patience of Job.
The college authorities did not allow Miss Sullivan to read the examination papers to me; so Mr. Eugene C. Vining, one of the instructors at the Perkins Institution for the Blind, was employed to copy the papers for me in American braille.
Mr. Vining was a stranger to me, and could not communicate with me, except by writing braille.
The proctor was also a stranger, and did not attempt to communicate with me in any way.
Two days before the examinations, Mr. Vining sent me a braille copy of one of the old Harvard papers in algebra.
Before me I saw a new world opening in beauty and light, and I felt within me the capacity to know all things.
The lectures are spelled into my hand as rapidly as possible, and much of the individuality of the lecturer is lost to me in the effort to keep in the race.
Many scholars forget, it seems to me, that our enjoyment of the great works of literature depends more upon the depth of our sympathy than upon our understanding.
It comes over me that in the last two or three pages of this chapter I have used figures which will turn the laugh against me.
Ah, here they are--the mixed metaphors mocking and strutting about before me, pointing to the bull in the china shop assailed by hailstones and the bugbears with pale looks, an unanalyzed species!
The words themselves fascinated me; but I took no conscious account of what I read.
One day my teacher found me in a corner of the library poring over the pages of "The Scarlet Letter."
I remember she asked me if I liked little Pearl, and explained some of the words that had puzzled me.
Then she told me that she had a beautiful story about a little boy which she was sure I should like better than "The Scarlet Letter."
The name of the story was "Little Lord Fauntleroy," and she promised to read it to me the following summer.
Then my teacher went to visit some friends in Boston, leaving me for a short time.
As we hastened through the long grass toward the hammock, the grasshoppers swarmed about us and fastened themselves on our clothes, and I remember that my teacher insisted upon picking them all off before we sat down, which seemed to me an unnecessary waste of time.
Before we began the story Miss Sullivan explained to me the things that she knew I should not understand, and as we read on she explained the unfamiliar words.
I loved "Little Women" because it gave me a sense of kinship with girls and boys who could see and hear.
I do not know why it is, but stories in which animals are made to talk and act like human beings have never appealed to me very strongly.
I read it as much as possible without the help of notes or dictionary, and I always like to translate the episodes that please me especially.
Curiously enough, it never occurred to me to call Greek patronymics "queer."
Still there is much in the Bible against which every instinct of my being rebels, so much that I regret the necessity which has compelled me to read it through from beginning to end.
I do not think that the knowledge which I have gained of its history and sources compensates me for the unpleasant details it has forced upon my attention.
The Bible gives me a deep, comforting sense that "things seen are temporal, and things unseen are eternal."
"Macbeth" seems to have impressed me most.
For a long time the ghosts and witches pursued me even into Dreamland.
I could see, absolutely see, the dagger and Lady Macbeth's little white hand--the dreadful stain was as real to me as to the grief-stricken queen.
Anger seized me, my fingers refused to move, I sat rigid for one long moment, the blood throbbing in my temples, and all the hatred that a child can feel concentrated in my heart.
It seems strange that my first reading of Shakespeare should have left me so many unpleasant memories.
The bright, gentle, fanciful plays--the ones I like best now--appear not to have impressed me at first, perhaps because they reflected the habitual sunshine and gaiety of a child's life.
The little songs and the sonnets have a meaning for me as fresh and wonderful as the dramas.
The first book that gave me any real sense of the value of history was Swinton's "World History," which I received on my thirteenth birthday.
No barrier of the senses shuts me out from the sweet, gracious discourse of my book-friends.
They talk to me without embarrassment or awkwardness.
Nothing gives me greater pleasure than to take my friends out rowing when they visit me.
Mr. Chamberlin initiated me into the mysteries of tree and wild-flower, until with the little ear of love I heard the flow of sap in the oak, and saw the sun glint from leaf to leaf.
Whenever it is possible, my dog accompanies me on a walk or ride or sail.
My dog friends seem to understand my limitations, and always keep close beside me when I am alone.
When a rainy day keeps me indoors, I amuse myself after the manner of other girls.
The jar made by shifting the men from one hole to another tells me when it is my turn.
If there are children around, nothing pleases me so much as to frolic with them.
They lead me about and show me the things they are interested in.
I enjoy having a play described to me while it is being acted on the stage far more than reading it, because then it seems as if I were living in the midst of stirring events.
Mr. Jefferson's, beautiful, pathetic representation quite carried me away with delight.
After the play Miss Sullivan took me to see him behind the scenes, and I felt of his curious garb and his flowing hair and beard.
Mr. Jefferson let me touch his face so that I could imagine how he looked on waking from that strange sleep of twenty years, and he showed me how poor old Rip staggered to his feet.
He asked me to indicate as far as I could the gestures and action that should go with the lines.
Elsie Leslie, the little actress, was in Boston, and Miss Sullivan took me to see her in "The Prince and the Pauper."
Sometimes, it is true, a sense of isolation enfolds me like a cold mist as I sit alone and wait at life's shut gate.
A hearty handshake or a friendly letter gives me genuine pleasure.
My spirit could not reach up to his, but he gave me a real sense of joy in life, and I never left him without carrying away a fine thought that grew in beauty and depth of meaning as I grew.
Bishop Brooks taught me no special creed or dogma; but he impressed upon my mind two great ideas--the fatherhood of God and the brotherhood of man, and made me feel that these truths underlie all creeds and forms of worship.
In spite of the lapse of years, they seem so close to me that I should not think it strange if at any moment they should clasp my hand and speak words of endearment as they used to before they went away.
He had invited Miss Sullivan and me to call on him one Sunday afternoon.
There was an odour of print and leather in the room which told me that it was full of books, and I stretched out my hand instinctively to find them.
My fingers lighted upon a beautiful volume of Tennyson's poems, and when Miss Sullivan told me what it was I began to recite:
He made me sit in his armchair, while he brought different interesting things for me to examine, and at his request I recited "The Chambered Nautilus," which was then my favorite poem.
Then he led me to the gate and kissed me tenderly on my forehead.
Here in Dr. Bell's laboratory, or in the fields on the shore of the great Bras d'Or, I have spent many delightful hours listening to what he had to tell me about his experiments, and helping him fly kites by means of which he expects to discover the laws that shall govern the future air-ship.
She has oftenest advised and helped me in my progress through college.
When I find my work particularly difficult and discouraging, she writes me letters that make me feel glad and brave; for she is one of those from whom we learn that one painful duty fulfilled makes the next plainer and easier.
Mr. Hutton introduced me to many of his literary friends, greatest of whom are Mr. William Dean Howells and Mark Twain.
Once Mr. Warner brought to see me the dear poet of the woodlands--Mr.
This reminds me that Dr. Hale used to give a personal touch to his letters to me by pricking his signature in braille.
She is always doing something to make some one happy, and her generosity and wise counsel have never failed my teacher and me in all the years we have known her.
Father will buy me a lovely new watch.
Cousin Anna gave me a pretty doll.
I hope Mr. Anagnos is coming to see me soon.
Aunt gave me a trunk for Nancy and clothes.
Mrs. Hopkins did send me lovely ring, I do love her and little blind girls.
Mother will buy me lovely new aprons and dress to take to Boston.
Teacher told me about kind gentleman I shall be glad to read pretty story I do read stories in my book about tigers and lions and sheep.
Teacher bought me lovely new dress and cap and aprons.
This morning Lucien Thompson sent me a beautiful bouquet of violets and crocuses and jonquils.
Sunday Adeline Moses brought me a lovely doll.
Teacher bought me a lovely new dress and gloves and stockings and collars and grandmother made me warm flannels, and aunt Nannie made me aprons.
Lady made me a pretty cap.
She does not want me to write more today.
Mr. Anagnos is coming to see me Monday.
Robert will come to see me Sunday when sun shines and I will have fun with him.
Cousin Arthur made me a swing in the ash tree.
Next summer Mildred will go out in the garden with me and pick the big sweet strawberries and then she will be very happy.
When Capt. Baker gets well he will take me in his big ship to Africa.
We came to Boston last Thursday, and Mr. Anagnos was delighted to see me, and he hugged and kissed me.
Will you please tell Harry to write me a very long letter soon?
When you come to Tuscumbia to see me I hope my father will have many sweet apples and juicy peaches and fine pears and delicious grapes and large water melons.
I hope you think about me and love me because I am a good little child.
Pony's name was Mollie and I had a nice ride on her back; I was not afraid, I hope my uncle will get me a dear little pony and a little cart very soon.
Clifton did not kiss me because he does not like to kiss little girls.
Chinese nurse came to see me, her name was Asu.
She showed me a tiny atze that very rich ladies in China wear because their feet never grow large.
I saw little Willie Swan in the car and he gave me a juicy pear.
I read pretty stories in the book you sent me, about Charles and his boat, and Arthur and his dream, and Rosa and the sheep.
I hope you will come to Alabama to visit me and I will take you to ride in my little cart and I think you will like to see me on my dear little pony's back.
I hope Fauntleroy take me to see a very kind queen.
I hope you will go with me to Athens to see the maid of Athens.
Will you please come to see me soon and take me to the theater?
My brother Simpson gave it to me last Sunday.
I hope you will come to see me soon, and stay a long time.
It made me feel very sad to leave Boston and I missed all of my friends greatly, but of course I was glad to get back to my lovely home once more.
A lady brought her to me from Paris.
I hope you will please write to me from all the cities you visit.
I am so glad that Eva is coming to stay with me this summer.
It hobbled, and that made me laugh; but it is wrong to laugh at the poor animals!
She is going home to rest, but she will come back to me next autumn.
Grandmother is going to make me two new dresses.
I am sitting on the piazza, and my little white pigeon is perched on the back of my chair, watching me write.
A gentleman gave me a beautiful card.
I do want you to come back to me soon.
I hope it will please you very much, because it makes me happy to send it.
My Dear Mr. Wade:--I have just received a letter from my mother, telling me that the beautiful mastiff puppy you sent me had arrived in Tuscumbia safely.
When I walk out in my garden I cannot see the beautiful flowers but I know that they are all around me; for is not the air sweet with their fragrance?
I love you very dearly, because you have taught me so many lovely things about flowers, and birds, and people.
She gave me a beautiful bunch of violets.
When I visit England they want me to come to see them, and stay a few weeks.
They will take me to see the Queen.
Mr. Wade wants teacher and me to come and see him next spring.
I saw a great many statues, and the gentleman gave me an angel.
One carried me in his arms so that my feet would not touch the water.
I hope you will like your watch-case, for it made me very happy to make it for you.
I thank my dear kind father for sending me some money, to buy gifts for my friends.
Please do not forget to send me some pretty presents to hang on my tree.
Mr. and Miss Endicott came to see me, and I went to ride in the carriage.
They are going to give me a lovely present, but I cannot guess what it will be.
I hope I have written my letter nicely, but it is very difficult to write on this paper and teacher is not here to give me better.
I shall always keep them, and it will make me very happy to think that you found them, on that far away island, from which Columbus sailed to discover our dear country.
If my little sister comes to Boston next June, will you let me bring her to see you?
My teacher told me Tuesday that you wanted to know how I came to wish to talk with my mouth.
And I would keep my little hand on her face all the while, because it amused me to feel her face and lips move when she talked with people.
This good and happy news delighted me exceedingly, for then I was sure that I should learn also.
I tried to make sounds like my little playmates, but teacher told me that the voice was very delicate and sensitive and that it would injure it to make incorrect sounds, and promised to take me to see a kind and wise lady who would teach me rightly.
I was very, very sad to part with all of my friends in Boston, but I was so eager to see my baby sister I could hardly wait for the train to take me home.
My parents were delighted to hear me speak, and I was overjoyed to give them such a happy surprise.
Please tell me something that you know about God.
It makes me happy to know much about my loving Father, who is good and wise.
Simpson, that is my brother, brought me some beautiful pond lilies yesterday--he is a very brother to me.
It has followed me across the ocean and found me in this magnificent great city which I should like to tell you all about if I could take time for it and make my letter long enough.
Some time when you come and see me in my study in Boston I shall be glad to talk to you about it all if you care to hear.
I can almost think I see you with your father and mother and little sister, with all the brightness of the beautiful country about you, and it makes me very glad to know how glad you are.
I am glad also to know, from the questions which you ask me, what you are thinking about.
Let me tell you how it seems to me that we come to know about our heavenly Father.
I shall want you to tell me all about everything, and not forget the Donkey.
Do write to me soon again, directing your letter to Boston.
It gratifies me very much to find that you remember me so kindly.
It almost makes me think the world would get along as well without seeing and hearing as with them.
It makes me very happy to know that I have kind and loving friends in the far-away State of Maine.
He gave me a beautiful watch.
I received the letter which you wrote to me last summer, and I thank you for it.
Of course the sun did not shine, but we had great open wood fires in the rooms, which were all very sweet with roses and other flowers, which were sent to me from distant friends; and fruits of all kinds from California and other places.
Some relatives and dear old friends were with me through the day.
My Dear Friend, Mr. Krehl:--I have just heard, through Mr. Wade, of your kind offer to buy me a gentle dog, and I want to thank you for the kind thought.
It makes me very happy indeed to know that I have such dear friends in other lands.
It makes me think that all people are good and loving.
My friends have told me about your great and magnificent city, and I have read a great deal that wise Englishmen have written.
Once the Earl of Meath came to see me, and he told me that the queen was much beloved by her people, because of her gentleness and wisdom.
They are going to send me some money for a poor little deaf and dumb and blind child.
His parents are too poor to pay to have the little fellow sent to school; so, instead of giving me a dog, the gentlemen are going to help make Tommy's life as bright and joyous as mine.
Sweet Mother Nature can have no secrets from me when my poet is near.
I used to think, when I read in my books about your great city, that when I visited it the people would be strangers to me, but now I feel differently.
It seems to me that all people who have loving, pitying hearts, are not strangers to each other.
Please think of me always as your loving little sister, HELEN KELLER.
I cannot begin to tell you how delighted I was when Mr. Anagnos told me that you had sent him some money to help educate "Baby Tom."
When I came home teacher read to me "The School-boy," for it is not in our print.
Every day I find out something which makes me glad.
Yesterday I thought for the first time what a beautiful thing motion was, and it seemed to me that everything was trying to get near to God, does it seem that way to you?
Do you think Mrs. Spaulding would help me, if I wrote to her?
Please let me know what you think about the house, and try to forgive me for troubling you so much.
Kind people will not disappoint me, when they know that I plead for helpless little children who live in darkness and ignorance.
This wonderful world with all its sunlight and beauty was hidden from me, and I had never dreamed of its loveliness.
But teacher came to me and taught my little fingers to use the beautiful key that has unlocked the door of my dark prison and set my spirit free.
For a whole week it has been "cold and dark and dreary" in Tuscumbia, and I must confess the continuous rain and dismalness of the weather fills me with gloomy thoughts and makes the writing of letters, or any pleasant employment, seem quite impossible.
What was the book you sent me for my birthday?
It was a lovely cape crocheted, for me, by an old gentleman, seventy-five years of age.
I have loved you for a long time, but I did not think you had ever heard of me until your sweet message came.
Please kiss your dear little baby for me, and tell her I have a little brother nearly sixteen months old.
You must have wondered why your letter has not had an answer, and perhaps you have thought Teacher and me very naughty indeed.
The reports which you have read in the paper about me are not true at all.
I am always delighted when anyone writes me a beautiful thought which I can treasure in my memory forever.
I hope you will write to me as often as you can.
A gentleman asked me what BEAUTY meant to my mind.
You see, none of my friends describe things to me so vividly and so beautifully as he does....
Nearly all of the exhibitors seemed perfectly willing to let me touch the most delicate things, and they were very nice about explaining everything to me.
A French gentleman, whose name I cannot remember, showed me the great French bronzes.
I believe they gave me more pleasure than anything else at the Fair: they were so lifelike and wonderful to my touch.
He invited me to visit his museum in Salem the next time I go to Boston.
Several hundred books, including many fine ones, were sent to me in a short time, as well as money and encouragement.
Every day I find how little I know, but I do not feel discouraged since God has given me an eternity in which to learn more.
But bless me, how time does fly.
My mother and several of my friends said they would help me with the establishment of a public library.
TO MISS CAROLINE DERBY Hulton, Penn., December 28, 1893. ...Please thank dear Miss Derby for me for the pretty shield which she sent me.
Think what a joy it would be to all of my friends to hear me speak naturally!!
Dear me, what unbeautiful little beasts they are!
He has lately had several books printed in England for me, "Old Mortality," "The Castle of Otranto" and "King of No-land."...
Mr. Burroughs told me about his home near the Hudson, and what a happy place it must be!
Teacher has read me his lively stories about his boyhood, and I enjoyed them greatly.
I know it, and it makes me feel so happy, it has such sweet thoughts.
But it is harder for Teacher than it is for me because the strain on her poor eyes is so great, and I cannot help worrying about them.
I ride with a divided skirt, and so does my teacher; but it would be easier for her to mount a man's wheel than for me; so, if it could be arranged to have the ladies' seat behind, I think it would be better....
It is almost no effort for me to row around the lake, no matter how heavy the load may be.
The thought that my dear Heavenly Father is always near, giving me abundantly of all those things, which truly enrich life and make it sweet and beautiful, makes every deprivation seem of little moment compared with the countless blessings I enjoy.
I think Mr. Keith is a wonderful teacher, and I feel very grateful to him for having made me see the beauty of Mathematics.
It is a very strong poem and set me dreaming too.
A kind friend took me over in the morning to the Boston Art Museum.
She had previously obtained permission from General Loring, Supt. of the Museum, for me to touch the statues, especially those which represented my old friends in the "Iliad" and "Aeneid."
General Loring kindly showed me a copy of one of the wonderful bronze doors of the Baptistry of Florence, and I felt of the graceful pillars, resting on the backs of fierce lions.
My friend said, she would sometime show me the copies of the marbles brought away by Lord Elgin from the Parthenon.
It gives me great pleasure to hear how much is being done for the deaf-blind.
There is but one cloud in my sky at present; but that is one which casts a dark shadow over my life, and makes me very anxious at times.
But it is most distressing to me to feel that she is sacrificing her sight for me.
I feel as if I ought to give up the idea of going to college altogether: for not all the knowledge in the world could make me happy, if obtained at such a cost.
I would like so much to show him in some way how deeply I appreciate all that he is doing for me, and I cannot think of anything better to do.
TO MR. WILLIAM WADE Wrentham, Mass., June 5, 1899. ...Linnie Haguewood's letter, which you sent me some weeks ago, interested me very much.
I cannot make out anything written in my hand, so you see, Ragnhild has got ahead of me in some things.
They would not allow Teacher to read any of the papers to me; so the papers were copied for me in braille.
TO MRS. SAMUEL RICHARD FULLER Wrentham, October 20, 1899. ...I suppose it is time for me to tell you something about our plans for the winter.
She showed me how very foolish it would be for me to pursue a four years' course of study at Radcliffe, simply to be like other girls, when I might better be cultivating whatever ability I had for writing.
Miss Irwin seemed to have no objection to this proposal, and kindly offered to see the professors and find out if they would give me lessons.
The college authorities would not permit Miss Sullivan to read the examination papers to me; so Mr. Eugene C. Vining, one of the instructors at the Perkins Institution for the Blind, was employed to copy the papers for me in braille.
Mr. Vining was a perfect stranger to me, and could not communicate with me except by writing in braille.
The Proctor also was a stranger, and did not attempt to communicate with me in any way; and, as they were both unfamiliar with my speech, they could not readily understand what I said to them.
Miss Sullivan always sat beside me, and told me what the teachers said.
Dear Frau Grote learned the manual alphabet, and used to teach me herself; but this was in private lessons, which were paid for by my friends.
In the German class Miss Sullivan interpreted to me as well as she could what the teacher said.
Mr. Keith comes every afternoon at four o'clock, and gives me a "friendly lift" over the rough stretches of road, over which every student must go.
Dr. Greer read so slowly, that my teacher could tell me every word.
I stood in the middle of the church, where the vibrations from the great organ were strongest, and I felt the mighty waves of sound beat against me, as the great billows beat against a little ship at sea.
In college she, or possibly in some subjects some one else, would of necessity be with me in the lecture-room and at recitations.
Is it possible for the College to accommodate itself to these unprecedented conditions, so as to enable me to pursue my studies at Radcliffe?
My friends thought we might have one or two pupils in our own home, thereby securing to me the advantage of being helpful to others without any of the disadvantages of a large school.
Mrs. Hutton had already written to mother, asking her to telegraph if she was willing for me to have other advisers besides herself and Teacher.
Do tell me what you think about Dr. Bell's suggestion.
Tell me truly, do you think me as bad as that?
It is hard, very hard at times; but it hasn't swamped me yet.
Miss Watkins, the lady who has charge of her wrote me a most interesting letter.
I was in New York not long ago and I saw Miss Rhoades, who told me that she had seen Katie McGirr.
It never occurred to me that it might be worth while to make my own observations and describe the experiences peculiarly my own.
Dr. Bell told me many interesting things about his work.
After that he asked me if the strings were all right and changed them at once when I answered in the negative.
I will ask Dr. Hale to lend me the letter, so that I can make a copy of it for you.
It makes me tremble!
--sent me a Boston Herald containing a stupid article about Helen.
Then it is amusing to read of the elaborate preparation I underwent to fit me for the great task my friends entrusted to me.
Captain Keller met us in the yard and gave me a cheery welcome and a hearty handshake.
I tried with all my might to control the eagerness that made me tremble so that I could hardly walk.
Finding that there was, she turned to me, making the sign of turning a key and pointing to the bag.
She returned in a few minutes and helped me put away my things.
She helped me unpack my trunk when it came, and was delighted when she found the doll the little girls sent her.
Then it occurred to me that it was useless to continue the struggle--I must do something to turn the current of her thoughts.
She made the "c-a," then stopped and thought, and making the sign for eating and pointing downward she pushed me toward the door, meaning that I must go downstairs for some cake.
I made the signs that she had used when she wished me to go for the cake, and pushed her toward the door.
She decided to send me instead.
She kept coming up behind me and putting her hand on the paper and into the ink-bottle.
She amused herself with the beads until dinner-time, bringing the strings to me now and then for my approval.
She pinched me, and I slapped her every time she did it.
Then she went all round the table to see who was there, and finding no one but me, she seemed bewildered.
I told her that in my opinion the child ought to be separated from the family for a few weeks at least--that she must learn to depend on and obey me before I could make any headway.
She devoted herself to her dolls the first evening, and when it was bedtime she undressed very quietly, but when she felt me get into bed with her, she jumped out on the other side, and nothing that I could do would induce her to get in again.
I have just heard something that surprised me very much.
She is sitting by me as I write, her face serene and happy, crocheting a long red chain of Scotch wool.
She lets me kiss her now, and when she is in a particularly gentle mood, she will sit in my lap for a minute or two; but she does not return my caresses.
I have told Captain and Mrs. Keller that they must not interfere with me in any way.
They have promised to let me have a free hand and help me as much as possible.
This morning she planted her doll and showed me that she expected her to grow as tall as I. You must see that she is very bright, but you have no idea how cunning she is.
She sleeps with me now.
Then it occurred to me that with the help of this new word I might succeed in straightening out the "mug-milk" difficulty.
She has flitted from object to object, asking the name of everything and kissing me for very gladness.
Last night when I got in bed, she stole into my arms of her own accord and kissed me for the first time, and I thought my heart would burst, so full was it of joy.
She obeys many commands like these: "Come," "Kiss," "Go to papa," "Shut the door," "Give me the biscuit."
These observations have given me a clue to the method to be followed in teaching Helen language.I SHALL TALK INTO HER HAND AS WE TALK INTO THE BABY'S EARS.
"Milk," with a gesture means, "Give me more milk."
But when I spell into her hand, "Give me some bread," she hands me the bread, or if I say, "Get your hat and we will go to walk," she obeys instantly.
They seem to me to be built up on the supposition that every child is a kind of idiot who must be taught to think.
I can now tell her to bring me a large book or a small plate, to go upstairs slowly, to run fast and to walk quickly.
It is a rare privilege to watch the birth, growth, and first feeble struggles of a living mind; this privilege is mine; and moreover, it is given me to rouse and guide this bright intelligence.
When her fingers light upon words she knows, she fairly screams with pleasure and hugs and kisses me for joy, especially if she thinks she has me beaten.
She has often gone with me to the post-office to mail letters, and I suppose I have repeated to her things I wrote to you.
I am glad Mr. Anagnos thinks so highly of me as a teacher.
If, indeed, they apply to me even remotely, I do not see that I deserve any laudation on that account.
One day, when I wanted her to bring me some water, she said: Legs very tired.
You would be amused to see me hold a squealing pig in my arms, while Helen feels it all over, and asks countless questions--questions not easy to answer either.
Helen held some worsted for me last night while I wound it.
She had been with me to take letters to the post-office.
She knew that I was much troubled, and would have liked to stay near me; but I thought it best for her to sit by herself.
Will you go with me and find Viney?
The only thing for me to do in a perplexity is to go ahead, and learn by making mistakes.
She likes to have me tell her what I see in pictures.
She helped me wind some worsted one day, first rapidly and afterward slowly.
The next day, while exercising, she spelled to me, "Helen wind fast," and began to walk rapidly.
Instantly she caught the idea, and asked me to find DOG and many other words.
On another occasion while walking with me she seemed conscious of the presence of her brother, although we were distant from him.
She has made me repeat the story of little Red Riding Hood so often that I believe I could say it backward.
Helen's dependence on me for almost everything makes me strong and glad.
It was the first snow I had seen here, and it made me a little homesick.
I HAVE TRIED FROM THE BEGINNING TO TALK NATURALLY TO HELEN AND TO TEACH HER TO TELL ME ONLY THINGS THAT INTEREST HER AND ASK QUESTIONS ONLY FOR THE SAKE OF FINDING OUT WHAT SHE WANTS TO KNOW.
When I see that she is eager to tell me something, but is hampered because she does not know the words, I supply them and the necessary idioms, and we get along finely.
This morning she asked me the meaning of "carpenter," and the question furnished the text for the day's lesson.
After talking about the various things that carpenters make, she asked me, "Did carpenter make me?" and before I could answer, she spelled quickly, "No, no, photographer made me in Sheffield."
I appreciate the kind things Mr. Anagnos has said about Helen and me; but his extravagant way of saying them rubs me the wrong way.
Why, for instance, does he take the trouble to ascribe motives to me that I never dreamed of?
They relieved me as much as possible.
Miss Ev. came up to help me make a list of words Helen has learned.
Mr. Mayo and Mr. Farris and Mr. Graves love me and Teacher.
She buried me under the pillows and then I grew very slow like tree out of ground.
One of the ministers wished me to ask Helen, "What do ministers do?"
She hugged and kissed me, and the quiet-looking divine who sat on the other side of her.
The next word that you receive from me will be in a yellow envelope, and it will tell you when we shall reach Boston.
Another said, "Damn me! but I'd give everything I own in the world to have that little girl always near me."
Dr. Keller distributed the extracts from the report that Mr. Anagnos sent me, and he could have disposed of a thousand if he had had them.
He asked me how I had taught Helen adjectives and the names of abstract ideas like goodness and happiness.
These same questions had been asked me a hundred times by the learned doctors.
One of them pulled me by the sleeve and said, "Girl is blind."
In my account of Helen last year, I mentioned several instances where she seemed to have called into use an inexplicable mental faculty; but it now seems to me, after carefully considering the matter, that this power may be explained by her perfect familiarity with the muscular variations of those with whom she comes into contact, caused by their emotions.
While making a visit at Brewster, Massachusetts, she one day accompanied my friend and me through the graveyard.
When her attention was drawn to a marble slab inscribed with the name FLORENCE in relief, she dropped upon the ground as though looking for something, then turned to me with a face full of trouble, and asked, "Were is poor little Florence?"
Mr. Anagnos came to see me Thursday.
Little blind girls sent me a pretty work-basket.
Uncle Morrie sent me pretty stories.
I am tired, and teacher does not want me to write more.
There was a hopeless look in the dull eye that I could not help noticing, and then, as I was thinking where I had seen that horse before, she looked full at me and said, 'Black Beauty, is that you?'
I said to her, "Tell me, when you have read the poem through, who you think the mother is."
Helen wanted me to tell her about it.
Her mind works so rapidly, that it often happens, that when I give her an example she will give me the correct answer before I have time to write out the question.
Whenever any one asks me if she will understand this or that word I always reply: Never mind whether she understands each separate word of a sentence or not.
By signs she made me understand that she wished another story, and I gave her a book containing very short stories, written in the most elementary style.
They tell me over and over what I want to know.
I have found it a convenient medium of communicating with Helen when she is at some distance from me, for it enables me to talk with her by tapping upon the floor with my foot.
A. says God made me and every one out of sand; but it must be a joke.
It made me laugh quite hard, for I know my father is Arthur Keller.
I think my mother got me from heaven, but I do not know where that place is.
After May, 1890, it was evident to me that she had reached a point where it was impossible to keep from her the religious beliefs held by those with whom she was in daily contact.
She almost overwhelmed me with inquiries which were the natural outgrowth of her quickened intelligence.
Tell me something that Father Nature does.
She interrupted me: Everything does not have life.
A long time ago Helen said to me, "I would like to live sixteen hundred years."
A moment after she said, "Will you please go first and tell me all about it?" and then she added, "Tuscumbia is a very beautiful little town."
Let me sum up a few of the elements that made Helen Keller what she is.
Mrs. Keller writes me that before her illness Helen made signs for everything, and her mother thought this habit the cause of her slowness in learning to speak.
Why do you not teach me to talk like them?
But she interrupted me to say she was very sure she could feel my mouth very well.
It seems very strange to me that there should be this difference of opinion; I cannot understand how any one interested in our education can fail to appreciate the satisfaction we feel in being able to express our thoughts in living words.
Why, I use speech constantly, and I cannot begin to tell you how much pleasure it gives me to do so.
It brings me into closer and tenderer relationship with those I love, and makes it possible for me to enjoy the sweet companionship of a great many persons from whom I should be entirely cut off if I could not talk.
The next year at Andover she said: It seems to me the world is full of goodness, beauty, and love; and how grateful we must be to our heavenly Father, who has given us so much to enjoy!
Helen and I spent the summer of 1888 with Mrs. Hopkins at her home in Brewster, Mass., where she kindly relieved me a part of the time, of the care of Helen.
She has since secured and forwarded to me a copy of the first edition.
Can you tell me in what paper the article appeared accusing Helen of plagiarism, and giving passages from both stories?
The last made me realize the great disappointment to the dear child more than before.
It makes me very happy to please you and my dear teacher.
She gave me a kiss and then ran away, because she was a shy little girl.
I wonder if you would like to have me tell you a pretty dream which I had a long time ago when I was a very little child?
The fresh morning air blew gently in my face, as if to welcome me, and be my merry playmate, and the sun looked at me with a warm and tender smile.
My idle fairies and my fiery enemy have taught me a new way of doing good.
This morning I took a bath, and when teacher came upstairs to comb my hair she told me some very sad news which made me unhappy all day.
'It troubles me greatly now.
Her father, Captain Keller, wrote to me as follows on the subject:
Helen told me that for a long time she had thought of Jack Frost as a king, because of the many treasures which he possessed.
"A new word opens its heart to me," she writes in a letter; and when she uses the word its heart is still open.
From the early sketch I take a few passages which seem to me, without making very much allowance for difference in time, almost as good as anything she has written since:
But early one morning the fever left me as mysteriously and unexpectedly as it had come, and I fell into a quiet sleep.
As soon as my strength returned, I began to take an interest in what the people around me were doing.
When I was a little older I felt the need of some means of communication with those around me, and I began to make simple signs which my parents and friends readily understood; but it often happened that I was unable to express my thoughts intelligibly, and at such times I would give way to my angry feelings utterly....
At last she got up, gave me the mug, and led me out of the door to the pump-house.
I was never angry after that because I understood what my friends said to me, and I was very busy learning many wonderful things.
To be sure, I take the keenest interest in everything that concerns those who surround me; it is this very interest which makes it so difficult for me to carry on a conversation with some people who will not talk or say what they think, but I should not be sorry to find more friends ready to talk with me now and then about the wonderful things I read.
For the first time since my entrance into Radcliffe I had the opportunity to make friends with all my classmates...
It surprises me to find that such an idea has crossed the mind of any one, especially of a highly gifted critic.
Beautiful flower, you have taught me to see a little way into the hidden heart of things.
For me no thrifty spinners weave purple garments.
My little Sabine farm is dear to me; for here I spend my happiest days, far from the noise and strife of the world.
They strut about on the stage of the play like they were very famous actors.
Behold me, warriors--Europe!
Suddenly I felt my bed shake, and a wolf seemed to spring on me and snarl in my face.
At last sleep surprised me, and when Miss Sullivan returned she found me wrapped in a blanket by the hearth.
No doubt, many of my townsmen have met me returning from this enterprise, farmers starting for Boston in the twilight, or woodchoppers going to their work.
Of what use this measuring of me if she does not measure my character, but only the breadth of my shoulders, as it were a peg to bang the coat on?
Answer me these questions, and then perhaps I may look at your bawbles and find them ornamental.
Mrs. C. came to the door and asked me to view it from the inside.
She lighted a lamp to show me the inside of the roof and the walls, and also that the board floor extended under the bed, warning me not to step into the cellar, a sort of dust hole two feet deep.
This he assured me was the only encumbrance.
One early thrush gave me a note or two as I drove along the woodland path.
This man seemed to me to lean over the cornice, and timidly whisper his half truth to the rude occupants who really knew it better than he.
This spending of the best part of one's life earning money in order to enjoy a questionable liberty during the least valuable part of it reminds me of the Englishman who went to India to make a fortune first, in order that he might return to England and live the life of a poet.
I got out several cords of stumps in plowing, which supplied me with fuel for a long time, and left small circles of virgin mould, easily distinguishable through the summer by the greater luxuriance of the beans there.
However, I should never have broken a horse or bull and taken him to board for any work he might do for me, for fear I should become a horseman or a herdsman merely; and if society seems to be the gainer by so doing, are we certain that what is one man's gain is not another's loss, and that the stable-boy has equal cause with his master to be satisfied?
Nothing was given me of which I have not rendered some account.
It appears from the above estimate, that my food alone cost me in money about twenty-seven cents a week.
My furniture, part of which I made myself--and the rest cost me nothing of which I have not rendered an account--consisted of a bed, a table, a desk, three chairs, a looking-glass three inches in diameter, a pair of tongs and andirons, a kettle, a skillet, and a frying-pan, a dipper, a wash-bowl, two knives and forks, three plates, one cup, one spoon, a jug for oil, a jug for molasses, and a japanned lamp.
One young man of my acquaintance, who has inherited some acres, told me that he thought he should live as I did, if he had the means.
The youth may build or plant or sail, only let him not be hindered from doing that which he tells me he would like to do.
Probably I should not consciously and deliberately forsake my particular calling to do the good which society demands of me, to save the universe from annihilation; and I believe that a like but infinitely greater steadfastness elsewhere is all that now preserves it.
A robust poor man, one sunny day here in Concord, praised a fellow-townsman to me, because, as he said, he was kind to the poor; meaning himself.
I want the flower and fruit of a man; that some fragrance be wafted over from him to me, and some ripeness flavor our intercourse.
All health and success does me good, however far off and withdrawn it may appear; all disease and failure helps to make me sad and does me evil, however much sympathy it may have with me or I with it.
This experience entitled me to be regarded as a sort of real-estate broker by my friends.
Wherever I sat, there I might live, and the landscape radiated from me accordingly.
My imagination carried me so far that I even had the refusal of several farms--the refusal was all I wanted--but I never got my fingers burned by actual possession.
The nearest that I came to actual possession was when I bought the Hollowell place, and had begun to sort my seeds, and collected materials with which to make a wheelbarrow to carry it on or off with; but before the owner gave me a deed of it, his wife--every man has such a wife--changed her mind and wished to keep it, and he offered me ten dollars to release him.
I think I shall not buy greedily, but go round and round it as long as I live, and be buried in it first, that it may please me the more at last.
To my imagination it retained throughout the day more or less of this auroral character, reminding me of a certain house on a mountain which I had visited a year before.
This frame, so slightly clad, was a sort of crystallization around me, and reacted on the builder.
"Pray tell me anything new that has happened to a man anywhere on this globe"--and he reads it over his coffee and rolls, that a man has had his eyes gouged out this morning on the Wachito River; never dreaming the while that he lives in the dark unfathomed mammoth cave of this world, and has but the rudiment of an eye himself.
My instinct tells me that my head is an organ for burrowing, as some creatures use their snout and fore paws, and with it I would mine and burrow my way through these hills.
The oldest Egyptian or Hindoo philosopher raised a corner of the veil from the statue of the divinity; and still the trembling robe remains raised, and I gaze upon as fresh a glory as he did, since it was I in him that was then so bold, and it is he in me that now reviews the vision.
I read one or two shallow books of travel in the intervals of my work, till that employment made me ashamed of myself, and I asked where it was then that I lived.
When my floor was dirty, I rose early, and, setting all my furniture out of doors on the grass, bed and bedstead making but one budget, dashed water on the floor, and sprinkled white sand from the pond on it, and then with a broom scrubbed it clean and white; and by the time the villagers had broken their fast the morning sun had dried my house sufficiently to allow me to move in again, and my meditations were almost uninterupted.
The whistle of the locomotive penetrates my woods summer and winter, sounding like the scream of a hawk sailing over some farmer's yard, informing me that many restless city merchants are arriving within the circle of the town, or adventurous country traders from the other side.
What recommends commerce to me is its enterprise and bravery.
Sometimes one would circle round and round me in the woods a few feet distant as if tethered by a string, when probably I was near its eggs.
They give me a new sense of the variety and capacity of that nature which is our common dwelling.
It reminded me of ghouls and idiots and insane howlings.
Even the sailor on the Atlantic and Pacific is awakened by his voice; but its shrill sound never roused me from my slumbers.
As I walk along the stony shore of the pond in my shirt-sleeves, though it is cool as well as cloudy and windy, and I see nothing special to attract me, all the elements are unusually congenial to me.
Men frequently say to me, "I should think you would feel lonesome down there, and want to be nearer to folks, rainy and snowy days and nights especially."
This which you put seems to me not to be the most important question.
I one evening overtook one of my townsmen, who has accumulated what is called "a handsome property"--though I never got a fair view of it--on the Walden road, driving a pair of cattle to market, who inquired of me how I could bring my mind to give up so many of the comforts of life.
I may be affected by a theatrical exhibition; on the other hand, I may not be affected by an actual event which appears to concern me much more.
Let me suggest a few comparisons, that some one may convey an idea of my situation.
An elderly dame, too, dwells in my neighborhood, invisible to most persons, in whose odorous herb garden I love to stroll sometimes, gathering simples and listening to her fables; for she has a genius of unequalled fertility, and her memory runs back farther than mythology, and she can tell me the original of every fable, and on what fact every one is founded, for the incidents occurred when she was young.
But fewer came to see me on trivial business.
Beside, there were wafted to me evidences of unexplored and uncultivated continents on the other side.
Sometimes I saw him at his work in the woods, felling trees, and he would greet me with a laugh of inexpressible satisfaction, and a salutation in Canadian French, though he spoke English as well.
A townsman told me that when he met him sauntering through the village in his small close-fitting cap, and whistling to himself, he reminded him of a prince in disguise.
He would sometimes ask me first on such occasions, if I had made any improvement.
Many a traveller came out of his way to see me and the inside of my house, and, as an excuse for calling, asked for a glass of water.
Half-witted men from the almshouse and elsewhere came to see me; but I endeavored to make them exercise all the wit they had, and make their confessions to me; in such cases making wit the theme of our conversation; and so was compensated.
Men of almost every degree of wit called on me in the migrating season.
They attached me to the earth, and so I got strength like Antaeus.
The last have nibbled for me a quarter of an acre clean.
Daily the beans saw me come to their rescue armed with a hoe, and thin the ranks of their enemies, filling up the trenches with weedy dead.
This broad field which I have looked at so long looks not to me as the principal cultivator, but away from me to influences more genial to it, which water and make it green.
The village appeared to me a great news room; and on one side, to support it, as once at Redding & Company's on State Street, they kept nuts and raisins, or salt and meal and other groceries.
In such transparent and seemingly bottomless water, reflecting the clouds, I seemed to be floating through the air as in a balloon, and their swimming impressed me as a kind of flight or hovering, as if they were a compact flock of birds passing just beneath my level on the right or left, their fins, like sails, set all around them.
Give me the poverty that enjoys true wealth.
Farmers are respectable and interesting to me in proportion as they are poor--poor farmers.
In the spring of '49 I talked with the man who lives nearest the pond in Sudbury, who told me that it was he who got out this tree ten or fifteen years before.
Once it chanced that I stood in the very abutment of a rainbow's arch, which filled the lower stratum of the atmosphere, tinging the grass and leaves around, and dazzling me as if I looked through colored crystal.
One who visited me declared that the shadows of some Irishmen before him had no halo about them, that it was only natives that were so distinguished.
If I knew so wise a man as could teach me purity I would go to seek him forthwith.
Leave me alone, then, for a while.
Let me see; where was I?
They gave me a pair of her "wings," which I keep still.
He led me at once to the widest part of the pond, and could not be driven from it.
Sometimes he would come up unexpectedly on the opposite side of me, having apparently passed directly under the boat.
I found that it was as well for me to rest on my oars and wait his reappearing as to endeavor to calculate where he would rise; for again and again, when I was straining my eyes over the surface one way, I would suddenly be startled by his unearthly laugh behind me.
They never molested me seriously, though they bedded with me; and they gradually disappeared, into what crevices I do not know, avoiding winter and unspeakable cold.
He shared with me the labors of cooking.
I brought over some whiter and cleaner sand for this purpose from the opposite shore of the pond in a boat, a sort of conveyance which would have tempted me to go much farther if necessary.
The snow had already covered the ground since the 25th of November, and surrounded me suddenly with the scenery of winter.
I love to have mine before my window, and the more chips the better to remind me of my pleasing work.
As my driver prophesied when I was plowing, they warmed me twice--once while I was splitting them, and again when they were on the fire, so that no fuel could give out more heat.
But I could no longer sit and look into the fire, and the pertinent words of a poet recurred to me with new force.
I had read of the potter's clay and wheel in Scripture, but it had never occurred to me that the pots we use were not such as had come down unbroken from those days, or grown on trees like gourds somewhere, and I was pleased to hear that so fictile an art was ever practiced in my neighborhood.
Again, perhaps, Nature will try, with me for a first settler, and my house raised last spring to be the oldest in the hamlet.
Deliver me from a city built on the site of a more ancient city, whose materials are ruins, whose gardens cemeteries.
But no friendly Indian concerned himself about me; nor needed he, for the master of the house was at home.
He could hear me when I moved and cronched the snow with my feet, but could not plainly see me.
There was one other with whom I had "solid seasons," long to be remembered, at his house in the village, and who looked in upon me from time to time; but I had no more for society there.
They seemed to me to be rudimental, burrowing men, still standing on their defence, awaiting their transformation.
Sometimes one came near to my window, attracted by my light, barked a vulpine curse at me, and then retreated.
Usually the red squirrel (Sciurus Hudsonius) waked me in the dawn, coursing over the roof and up and down the sides of the house, as if sent out of the woods for this purpose.
All day long the red squirrels came and went, and afforded me much entertainment by their manoeuvres.
They tell me that if the fox would remain in the bosom of the frozen earth he would be safe, or if he would run in a straight line away no foxhound could overtake him; but, having left his pursuers far behind, he stops to rest and listen till they come up, and when he runs he circles round to his old haunts, where the hunters await him.
A hunter told me that he once saw a fox pursued by hounds burst out on to Walden when the ice was covered with shallow puddles, run part way across, and then return to the same shore.
But I fear that he was not the wiser for all I told him, for every time I attempted to answer his questions he interrupted me by asking, "What do you do here?"
The hunter who told me this could remember one Sam Nutting, who used to hunt bears on Fair Haven Ledges, and exchange their skins for rum in Concord village; who told him, even, that he had seen a moose there.
One man still preserves the horns of the last deer that was killed in this vicinity, and another has told me the particulars of the hunt in which his uncle was engaged.
I remember well one gaunt Nimrod who would catch up a leaf by the roadside and play a strain on it wilder and more melodious, if my memory serves me, than any hunting-horn.
One had her form under my house all winter, separated from me only by the flooring, and she startled me each morning by her hasty departure when I began to stir--thump, thump, thump, striking her head against the floor timbers in her hurry.
They also showed me in another place what they thought was a "leach-hole," through which the pond leaked out under a hill into a neighboring meadow, pushing me out on a cake of ice to see it.
These ice-cutters are a merry race, full of jest and sport, and when I went among them they were wont to invite me to saw pit-fashion with them, I standing underneath.
They told me that in a good day they could get out a thousand tons, which was the yield of about one acre.
They told me that they had some in the ice-houses at Fresh Pond five years old which was as good as ever.
The whole cut impressed me as if it were a cave with its stalactites laid open to the light.
It convinces me that Earth is still in her swaddling-clothes, and stretches forth baby fingers on every side.
You may melt your metals and cast them into the most beautiful moulds you can; they will never excite me like the forms which this molten earth flows out into.
This sight reminded me of falconry and what nobleness and poetry are associated with that sport.
The Merlin it seemed to me it might be called: but I care not for its name.
Perhaps it seemed to me that I had several more lives to live, and could not spare any more time for that one.
The town's poor seem to me often to live the most independent lives of any.
If I were confined to a corner of a garret all my days, like a spider, the world would be just as large to me while I had my thoughts about me.
I would not be one of those who will foolishly drive a nail into mere lath and plastering; such a deed would keep me awake nights.
Give me a hammer, and let me feel for the furring.
Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth.
They talked to me of the age of the wine and the fame of the vintage; but I thought of an older, a newer, and purer wine, of a more glorious vintage, which they had not got, and could not buy.
I called on the king, but he made me wait in his hall, and conducted like a man incapacitated for hospitality.
It costs me less in every sense to incur the penalty of disobedience to the State than it would to obey.
Some years ago, the State met me in behalf of the Church, and commanded me to pay a certain sum toward the support of a clergyman whose preaching my father attended, but never I myself.
They plainly did not know how to treat me, but behaved like persons who are underbred.
As they could not reach me, they had resolved to punish my body; just as boys, if they cannot come at some person against whom they have a spite, will abuse his dog.
They only can force me who obey a higher law than I. They force me to become like themselves.
When I meet a government which says to me, "Your money or your life," why should I be in haste to give it my money?
When the door was locked, he showed me where to hang my hat, and how he managed matters there.
I pumped my fellow-prisoner as dry as I could, for fear I should never see him again; but at length he showed me which was my bed, and left me to blow out the lamp.
It seemed to me that I never had heard the town-clock strike before, nor the evening sounds of the village; for we slept with the windows open, which were inside the grating.
Soon after he was let out to work at haying in a neighboring field, whither he went every day, and would not be back till noon; so he bade me good-day, saying that he doubted if he should see me again.
My neighbors did not thus salute me, but first looked at me, and then at one another, as if I had returned from a long journey.
They have never received any encouragement from me, and they never will.
I see I have frightened you--sit down and tell me all the news.
"What would you have me do?" he said at last.
Tell me what this wretched war is for? she added, addressing Prince Vasili, and without waiting for an answer she turned to speak to his daughter, the beautiful Helene.
This unfortunate fete at the ambassador's deprives me of a pleasure, and obliges me to interrupt you.
Tell me what news I may take back to my poor boy.
"Listen to me, Prince," said she.
He told me himself that all the Moscow ladies have conspired to give him all their sons as adjutants.
* God has given it to me, let him who touches it beware!
And believe me, they are reaping the reward of their betrayal of the Bourbon cause.
"The execution of the Duc d'Enghien," declared Monsieur Pierre, "was a political necessity, and it seems to me that Napoleon showed greatness of soul by not fearing to take on himself the whole responsibility of that deed."
She said, 'Girl,' to the maid, 'put on a livery, get up behind the carriage, and come with me while I make some calls.'
Write to her and let me know how her father looks at the matter.
Write to me all about it, and I will help you in everything.
Excuse me for saying so, but you have no sense about women.
Just for a whim of his own, goodness only knows why, he leaves me and locks me up alone in the country.
And he expects me not to be afraid.
You treat me like an invalid or a child.
The princess is too kind to wish to deprive me of the pleasure of spending the evening with you.
Don't look at me with such surprise.
"It seems funny to me," said Pierre, "that you, you should consider yourself incapable and your life a spoiled life.
"But what is there to say about me?" said Pierre, his face relaxing into a careless, merry smile.
He asked me for tonight, but I won't go.
You give me your word of honor not to go?
Tell them to bring me a bottle.
Ask her in," she said to the footman in a sad voice, as if saying: "Very well, finish me off."
They wanted to introduce him to me, but I quite declined: I have my daughters to consider.
I know it all very well for Prince Vasili told me himself.
"Tell me, my dear," said she to Natasha, "is Mimi a relation of yours?
"Ah yes, my dear," said the count, addressing the visitor and pointing to Nicholas, "his friend Boris has become an officer, and so for friendship's sake he is leaving the university and me, his old father, and entering the military service, my dear.
"I have already told you, Papa," said his son, "that if you don't wish to let me go, I'll stay.
"Let him look for me," thought she.
"It's nothing, nothing; leave me alone!" sobbed Sonya.
How can you torture me and yourself like that, for a mere fancy? said Nicholas taking her hand.
Well, then, I won't; only forgive me, Sonya!
Would you like to kiss me? she whispered almost inaudibly, glancing up at him from under her brows, smiling, and almost crying from excitement.
"If you had told me sooner, Mamma, I would have gone," she replied as she rose to go to her own room.
"Natalya Ilynichna behaves very well to me," remarked Boris.
"The unpleasant things were said to me," remarked Vera, "I said none to anyone."
But don't let's talk about me; tell me how you managed everything.
That lawsuit taught me much.
He paid me attentions in those days, said the countess, with a smile.
He said to me, 'I am sorry I can do so little for you, dear Princess.
Let people think what they will of me, it's really all the same to me when my son's fate is at stake.
Believe me, Prince, a mother's heart will never forget what you have done for us.
And I should so like to thank Uncle once for all his kindness to me and Boris.
"On the contrary," replied the prince, who had plainly become depressed, "I shall be only too glad if you relieve me of that young man....
You will let me know when I can see him.
"Do you remember me?" asked Boris quietly with a pleasant smile.
But I just wish to say, to avoid misunderstandings, that you are quite mistaken if you reckon me or my mother among such people.
"It is dreadful, dreadful!" she was saying, "but cost me what it may I shall do my duty.
Perhaps God will help me to find a way to prepare him!...
"Bring me..." he reflected a moment, "yes, bring me seven hundred rubles, yes!
But mind, don't bring me such tattered and dirty notes as last time, but nice clean ones for the countess.
Allow me to inform you...
"Annette, for heaven's sake don't refuse me," the countess began, with a blush that looked very strange on her thin, dignified, elderly face, and she took the money from under the handkerchief.
This is for Boris from me, for his outfit.
"Nicholas is going away in a week's time, his... papers... have come... he told me himself... but still I should not cry," and she showed a paper she held in her hand--with the verses Nicholas had written, "still, I should not cry, but you can't... no one can understand... what a soul he has!"
Yes, these verses Nicholas wrote himself and I copied some others, and she found them on my table and said she'd show them to Mamma, and that I was ungrateful, and that Mamma would never allow him to marry me, but that he'll marry Julie.
"Do you know, that fat Pierre who sat opposite me is so funny!" said Natasha, stopping suddenly.
Mamma told me to ask you to join the dancers.
"I know the will was made, but I also know that it is invalid; and you, mon cousin, seem to consider me a perfect fool," said the princess with the expression women assume when they suppose they are saying something witty and stinging.
If you don't believe me, then believe an expert.
Tell me all you know about the will, and above all where it is.
We've got to it at last--why did you not tell me about it sooner?
"Perhaps the count did not ask for me," said Pierre when he reached the landing.
"Ah, my friend!" she said, touching his arm as she had done her son's when speaking to him that afternoon, "believe me I suffer no less than you do, but be a man!"
Trust yourself to me, Pierre.
"Permit me, Princess, to know what is necessary and what is not necessary," said the younger of the two speakers, evidently in the same state of excitement as when she had slammed the door of her room.
He is dying and you leave me alone with him!
You know, Uncle promised me only the day before yesterday not to forget Boris.
"She flatters me," thought the princess, turning away and continuing to read.
To say nothing of my brothers, this war has deprived me of one of the associations nearest my heart.
As for the past two years people have amused themselves by finding husbands for me (most of whom I don't even know), the matchmaking chronicles of Moscow now speak of me as the future Countess Bezukhova.
A propos of marriages: do you know that a while ago that universal auntie Anna Mikhaylovna told me, under the seal of strict secrecy, of a plan of marriage for you.
Dear and precious Friend, Your letter of the 13th has given me great delight.
So you still love me, my romantic Julie?
He always seemed to me to have an excellent heart, and that is the quality I value most in people.
My father has not spoken to me of a suitor, but has only told me that he has received a letter and is expecting a visit from Prince Vasili.
In regard to this project of marriage for me, I will tell you, dear sweet friend, that I look on marriage as a divine institution to which we must conform.
However painful it may be to me, should the Almighty lay the duties of wife and mother upon me I shall try to perform them as faithfully as I can, without disquieting myself by examining my feelings toward him whom He may give me for husband.
"Ah, dear friend," replied Princess Mary, "I have asked you never to warn me of the humor my father is in.
He is leaving me here, God knows why, when he might have had promotion...
You know me: I am busy from morning till night and abstemious, so of course I am well.
Well, go on," he continued, returning to his hobby; "tell me how the Germans have taught you to fight Bonaparte by this new science you call 'strategy.'"
"Well, you've told me nothing new," and the old man repeated, meditatively and rapidly:
You are not angry with me for coming?
Trying for me!... said she.
That is the only thing that makes me unhappy.
Andrew, I bless you with this icon and you must promise me you will never take it off.
"Kiss me here," and he touched his cheek: "Thanks, thanks!"
What do you thank me for?
Write and tell me how he receives you.
"Remember this, Prince Andrew, if they kill you it will hurt me, your old father..." he paused unexpectedly, and then in a querulous voice suddenly shrieked: "but if I hear that you have not behaved like a son of Nicholas Bolkonski, I shall be ashamed!"
"You need not have said that to me, Father," said the son with a smile.
You told me to remind you of the officer Dolokhov, reduced to the ranks in this regiment.
"You won't bear me a grudge, Prokhor Ignatych?" said the regimental commander, overtaking the third company on its way to its quarters and riding up to Captain Timokhin who was walking in front.
"A cup of vodka for the men from me," he added so that the soldiers could hear.
Give me a biscuit, you devil!
And did you give me tobacco yesterday?
And believe me on my honour that to me personally it would be a pleasure to hand over the supreme command of the army into the hands of a better informed and more skillful general--of whom Austria has so many--and to lay down all this heavy responsibility.
And Kutuzov smiled in a way that seemed to say, You are quite at liberty not to believe me and I don't even care whether you do or not, but you have no grounds for telling me so.
"Give me that letter," said Kutuzov turning to Prince Andrew.
"Excuse me, General," interrupted Kutuzov, also turning to Prince Andrew.
And what devil made me go to that wat?
Just fancy, he didn't let me win a single cahd, not one cahd.
They plucked me last night, came Denisov's voice from the next room.
And it's a horse you'll thank me for.
"Please, Denisov, let me lend you some: I have some, you know," said Rostov, blushing.
Dear me, can I have forgotten?
"Allow me to look at your purse," he said in a low, almost inaudible, voice.
Well, let me have it, young man, I'm going.
Now then, let me have it.
"Don't touch me," said Rostov, drawing back.
"I will allow no one to call me a liar!" cried Rostov.
He told me I lied, and I told him he lied.
He may keep me on duty every day, or may place me under arrest, but no one can make me apologize, because if he, as commander of this regiment, thinks it beneath his dignity to give me satisfaction, then...
He did not shut me up, he said I was telling an untruth.
I... for me... for the honor of the regiment I'd...
Ah well, I'll show that in action, and for me the honor of the flag...
No one shall hear a word from me," said Rostov in an imploring voice, "but I can't apologize, by God I can't, do what you will!
"Sell me the missis," said another soldier, addressing the German, who, angry and frightened, strode energetically along with downcast eyes.
"Tell these devils, these fiends, to let me pass!" shouted Denisov evidently in a fit of rage, his coal-black eyes with their bloodshot whites glittering and rolling as he waved his sheathed saber in a small bare hand as red as his face.
Look at me, cried Denisov who, unable to keep still on one spot, kept turning his horse in front of the squadron.
"I don't myself know 'to who,'" replied the cornet in a serious tone, "but the prince told me to 'go and tell the colonel that the hussars must return quickly and fire the bridge.'"
"You spoke to me of inflammable material," said he, "but you said nothing about firing it."
Let me wring you out!
For Christ's sake let me alone! cried the wounded man, but still he was lifted and laid on the stretcher.
There--they are shouting again, and again are all running back somewhere, and I shall run with them, and it, death, is here above me and around...
"But that is a matter of perfect indifference to me," he thought.
"Well, now tell me about your exploits," said he.
"They received me and my news as one receives a dog in a game of skittles," said he in conclusion.
"Count Lichtenfels was here this morning," Bilibin continued, "and showed me a letter in which the parade of the French in Vienna was fully described: Prince Murat et tout le tremblement...
"Tell me about that!" he said.
"I shall scarcely be able to avail myself of your hospitality, gentlemen, it is already time for me to go," replied Prince Andrew looking at his watch.
"Tell me, when did the battle begin?" he asked hurriedly.
They've made up splendid packs for me--fit to cross the Bohemian mountains with.
"Get in with me," said he to Bolkonski.
Allow me to remain with Prince Bagration's detachment.
You are causing me to lose the fruits of a campaign.
"If he is one of the ordinary little staff dandies sent to earn a medal he can get his reward just as well in the rearguard, but if he wishes to stay with me, let him... he'll be of use here if he's a brave officer," thought Bagration.
"Can something bad have happened to me?" he wondered as he got up: and at that moment he felt that something superfluous was hanging on his benumbed left arm.
Can it be that they will take me too?
Me whom everyone is so fond of?
"Now then, Matvevna, dear old lady, don't let me down!" he was saying as he moved from the gun, when a strange, unfamiliar voice called above his head: "Captain Tushin!
"Why are they down on me?" thought Tushin, looking in alarm at his superior.
Tell them to give me a seat, for God's sake!
Prince Andrew broke the silence with his abrupt voice, you were pleased to send me to Captain Tushin's battery.
"And, if your excellency will allow me to express my opinion," he continued, "we owe today's success chiefly to the action of that battery and the heroic endurance of Captain Tushin and his company," and without awaiting a reply, Prince Andrew rose and left the table.
"Thank you; you saved me, my dear fellow!" said Tushin.
"Nobody wants me!" thought Rostov.
There is no one to help me or pity me.
Nor did he say to himself: "Pierre is a rich man, I must entice him to marry my daughter and lend me the forty thousand rubles I need."
Don't be angry with me for exercising an old woman's privilege.
Why did this thought never occur to me before? and again he told himself that it was impossible, that there would be something unnatural, and as it seemed to him dishonorable, in this marriage.
This rescript began with the words: "Sergey Kuzmich, From all sides reports reach me," etc.
The old princess sighed sadly as she offered some wine to the old lady next to her and glanced angrily at her daughter, and her sigh seemed to say: "Yes, there's nothing left for you and me but to sip sweet wine, my dear, now that the time has come for these young ones to be thus boldly, provocatively happy."
My wife has told me everything!
For me, there are no ministers!
Forgive me for heaven's sake...
Why did they write, why did Lise tell me about it?
"No, leave me alone," said Princess Mary.
Leave me alone, please leave me alone!
It is all quite the same to me, answered a voice struggling with tears.
"Well, come and kiss me," and he offered his cheek.
Now tell me, my dear boy, are you serving in the Horse Guards? asked the old man, scrutinizing Anatole closely and intently.
Well, come with me now.
Only let me tell you, I want to know my son-in-law better.
"Let her marry, it's all the same to me!" he screamed in the same piercing tone as when parting from his son.
"How she loves me!" thought Princess Mary.
When your father writes to tell me that you are behaving well I will give you my hand to kiss.
"I have had a proposition made me concerning you," he said with an unnatural smile.
Last night a proposition was made me on your account and, as you know my principles, I refer it to you.
"How understand me!" cried her father angrily.
Leave me out of the question.
Go to your room, think it over, and come back in an hour and tell me in his presence: yes or no.
Auntie, darling, do tell me what it is!
Dear me, how you have changed!
Well, he stormed at me, as the saying is, stormed and stormed and stormed!
Come to me after the review and we will do what is possible.
"Of whom you imagine me to be one?" said Prince Andrew, with a quiet and particularly amiable smile.
"Oh God, what would happen to me if the Emperor spoke to me?" thought Rostov.
"My God, how happy I should be if he ordered me to leap into the fire this instant!" thought Rostov.
I am very sorry you did not find me in yesterday.
Only let me report this gentleman's business, and I shall be at your disposal.
And do you know, my dear fellow, it seems to me that Bonaparte has decidedly lost bearings, you know that a letter was received from him today for the Emperor.
If not as 'Consul' and of course not as 'Emperor,' it seemed to me it should be to 'General Bonaparte.'
My brother knows him, he's dined with him--the present Emperor--more than once in Paris, and tells me he never met a more cunning or subtle diplomatist--you know, a combination of French adroitness and Italian play-acting!
He is one of the most remarkable, but to me most unpleasant of men--the Minister of Foreign Affairs, Prince Adam Czartoryski....
Believe me, he is afraid, afraid of a general battle.
"But tell me, what is he like, eh?" said Prince Andrew again.
Believe me in war the energy of young men often shows the way better than all the experience of old Cunctators.
But the Austrian general, continuing to read, frowned angrily and jerked his elbows, as if to say: "You can tell me your views later, but now be so good as to look at the map and listen."
All the same, I love and value nothing but triumph over them all, I value this mystic power and glory that is floating here above me in this mist!
What if he gave me a place near him?
How he looked at me and wished to say something, but dared not....
"Believe me," said Prince Dolgorukov, addressing Bagration, "it is nothing but a trick!
The position we occupy is a strong one, and while they are marching to go round me on the right they will expose a flank to me.
I must look for the commander in chief here, and if all is lost it is for me to perish with the rest.
Gracious me, they did rattle past!
"What would she feel," thought he, "if she saw me here now on this field with the cannon aimed at me?"
Let me have a look at you, your excellency.
Petya, clinging to his legs, kept shouting, "And me too!"
Well, she loves me and you like that.
"Dear me!" said Rostov.
Who is going to get me the flowers?
He has forwarded me a letter from Boris.
It would be particularly pleasant to him to dishonor my name and ridicule me, just because I have exerted myself on his behalf, befriended him, and helped him.
I know and understand what a spice that would add to the pleasure of deceiving me, if it really were true.
Either I shall kill him, or he will hit me in the head, or elbow, or knee.
"I should not be doing my duty, Count," he said in timid tones, "and should not justify your confidence and the honor you have done me in choosing me for your second, if at this grave, this very grave, moment I did not tell you the whole truth.
Allow me to convey....
"Only tell me where to go and where to shoot," he said with an unnaturally gentle smile.
"The countess told me to inquire whether your excellency was at home," said the valet.
Very well, but only if you give me a fortune, said Helene.
That's a thing to frighten me with!
"Father," she said, "do not turn away from me, let us weep together."
"Father, tell me how it happened," she asked through her tears.
"Mary," she said, moving away from the embroidery frame and lying back, "give me your hand."
The old prince, stepping on his heels, paced up and down his study and sent Tikhon to ask Mary Bogdanovna what news.--"Say only that 'the prince told me to ask,' and come and tell me her answer."
Help me! her look seemed to say.
"I love you all, and have done no harm to anyone; and what have you done to me?"--said her charming, pathetic, dead face.
"Ah, what have you done to me?" it still seemed to say, and Prince Andrew felt that something gave way in his soul and that he was guilty of a sin he could neither remedy nor forget.
The old man too came up and kissed the waxen little hands that lay quietly crossed one on the other on her breast, and to him, too, her face seemed to say: "Ah, what have you done to me, and why?"
Now tell me, Count, was it right, was it honorable, of Bezukhov?
I know you understand Fedya, my dear count; that, believe me, is why I am so fond of you.
"I know people consider me a bad man!" he said.
And believe me, if I still value my life it is only because I still hope to meet such a divine creature, who will regenerate, purify, and elevate me.
"There's nothing for me to understand," she cried out with resolute self-will, "he is wicked and heartless.
"Nicholas, don't tell me that!" she said.
It may be arrogant of me, but still it is best to say it.
"That is enough for me," said Sonya, blushing.
"Oh no, let me off, Countess," Denisov replied.
She can do anything with me! said Denisov, and he unhooked his saber.
"I have no money with me," he said.
Or are you afraid of me? he asked again.
With a sinking heart he watched Dolokhov's hands and thought, "Now then, make haste and let me have this card and I'll take my cap and drive home to supper with Denisov, Natasha, and Sonya, and will certainly never touch a card again."
"It's all the same to me," he said.
I only want to see whether you will let me win this ten, or beat it.
Enchantress, say, to my forsaken lyre What magic power is this recalls me still?
A bullet through my brain is the only thing left me--not singing! his thoughts ran on.
"Yes, that's me!" she seemed to say, answering the rapt gaze with which Denisov followed her.
"Dear me!" said his father, who was in a specially good humor.
Made, made me an offer, Mamma!
Do you want me to go and tell him? said the countess smiling.
No, I will do it myself, only tell me what to say.
In that case you would not have obliged me to give this refusal.
"Countess, I have done w'ong," Denisov went on in an unsteady voice, "but believe me, I so adore your daughter and all your family that I would give my life twice over..."
It is good for me, bad for another traveler, and for himself it's unavoidable, because he needs money for food; the man said an officer had once given him a thrashing for letting a private traveler have the courier horses.
"I have hundreds of rubles I don't know what to do with, and she stands in her tattered cloak looking timidly at me," he thought.
"No. Give me the book," said the stranger.
"But if for reason you don't feel inclined to talk to me," said the old man, "say so, my dear sir."
"Allow me to ask," he said, "are you a Mason?"
You do not know Him, but He is here, He is in me, He is in my words, He is in thee, and even in those blasphemous words thou hast just uttered! pronounced the Mason in a stern and tremulous voice.
"Can he really be going away leaving me alone without having told me all, and without promising to help me?" thought Pierre, rising with downcast head; and he began to pace the room, glancing occasionally at the Mason.
But do not suppose me to be so bad.
With my whole soul I wish to be what you would have me be, but I have never had help from anyone....
Help me, teach me, and perhaps I may...
Allow me to give you a piece of advice.
A person of very high standing in our Brotherhood has made application for you to be received into our Order before the usual term and has proposed to me to be your sponsor.
"And now, in token of candor, I ask you to reveal to me your chief passion," said the latter.
And why didn't you simply come straight to me as to a friend?
But consider the position in which you are placing her and me in the eyes of society, and even of the court, he added, lowering his voice.
Let us write her a letter at once, and she'll come here and all will be explained, or else, my dear boy, let me tell you it's quite likely you'll have to suffer for it.
Whatever the European sovereigns and commanders may do to countenance Bonaparte, and to cause me, and us in general, annoyance and mortification, our opinion of Bonaparte cannot alter.
"You absolutely must come and see me," she said in a tone that implied that, for certain considerations he could not know of, this was absolutely necessary.
It will give me great pleasure.
"No, pardon me, I won't go now till the child is better," thought he, going to the door and looking into the nursery.
I have certainly acquired a taste for war, and it is just as well for me; what I have seen during these last three months is incredible.
"Yes, this is the one thing left me now," he said with a sigh.
"Come, let's argue then," said Prince Andrew, "You talk of schools," he went on, crooking a finger, "education and so forth; that is, you want to raise him" (pointing to a peasant who passed by them taking off his cap) "from his animal condition and awaken in him spiritual needs, while it seems to me that animal happiness is the only happiness possible, and that is just what you want to deprive him of.
I had such moments myself not long ago, in Moscow and when traveling, but at such times I collapsed so that I don't live at all--everything seems hateful to me... myself most of all.
I should be thankful to do nothing, but here on the one hand the local nobility have done me the honor to choose me to be their marshal; it was all I could do to get out of it.
If I see, clearly see, that ladder leading from plant to man, why should I suppose it breaks off at me and does not go farther and farther?
I feel that beyond me and above me there are spirits, and that in this world there is truth.
That's what convinces, that is what has convinced me, said Prince Andrew.
"Andrew, why didn't you warn me?" said the princess, with mild reproach, as she stood before her pilgrims like a hen before her chickens.
He is kind, he is one of God's chosen, he's a benefactor, he once gave me ten rubles, I remember.
When I was in Kiev, Crazy Cyril says to me (he's one of God's own and goes barefoot summer and winter), he says, 'Why are you not going to the right place?
"Let me ask her," said Pierre.
"But, dear me, that must be a fraud!" said Pierre, naively, who had listened attentively to the pilgrim.
And he dreamed that the Holy Virgin Mother of the Kiev catacombs came to him and said, 'Believe in me and I will make you whole.'
So he begged: 'Take me to her, take me to her.'
So he was brought, quite blind, straight to her, and he goes up to her and falls down and says, 'Make me whole,' says he, 'and I'll give thee what the Tsar bestowed on me.'
Kiss me, he said, having learned who the young stranger was.
He came to town and wanted to invite me to dinner--I gave him a pretty dinner!...
He stirs me up.
She is like a sister to me, and I can't tell you how it offended me... because... well, for that reason....
"Let God and our gweat monarch judge me afterwards!" said Denisov going out, and Rostov heard the hoofs of several horses splashing through the mud.
"Now, what are you pestewing me for?" cried Denisov, suddenly losing his temper.
Twy me for wobbewy... oh!
Let them twy me, but I'll always thwash scoundwels... and I'll tell the Empewo'...
"Only don't blame me!" the doctor shouted up after him.
"Me petition the Empewo'!" exclaimed Denisov, in a voice to which he tried hard to give the old energy and fire, but which sounded like an expression of irritable impotence.
Let them twy me, I'm not afwaid of anyone.
Boris doesn't want to help me and I don't want to ask him.
If only I were to hand the letter direct to him and tell him all... could they really arrest me for my civilian clothes?
And even if they did arrest me for being here, what would it matter? thought he, looking at an officer who was entering the house the Emperor occupied.
I'll go in and hand the letter to the Emperor myself so much the worse for Drubetskoy who drives me to it!
He will lift me up, will listen, and will even thank me.
Give me the letter.
"Will Your Majesty allow me to consult the colonel?" said Alexander and took a few hasty steps toward Prince Kozlovski, the commander of the battalion.
"Can it be me?" thought Rostov.
Look at those cramped dead firs, ever the same, and at me too, sticking out my broken and barked fingers just where they have grown, whether from my back or my sides: as they have grown so I stand, and I do not believe in your hopes and your lies.
Well, I have Pryanichnikov serving under me, a splendid man, a priceless man, but he's sixty.
"No," said Prince Andrew, "my father did not wish me to take advantage of the privilege.
Certains droits et privileges de la noblesse me paraissent etre des moyens de soutenir ce sentiment. *
Certain rights and privileges for the aristocracy appear to me a means of maintaining that sentiment.
"If you will do me the honor of calling on me on Wednesday," he added, "I will, after talking with Magnitski, let you know what may interest you, and shall also have the pleasure of a more detailed chat with you."
He received me graciously and made me sit down on the bed on which he lay.
Joseph Alexeevich, having remained silent and thoughtful for a good while, told me his view of the matter, which at once lit up for me my whole past and the future path I should follow.
He surprised me by asking whether I remembered the threefold aim of the order: (1) The preservation and study of the mystery.
Talking of my family affairs he said to me, the chief duty of a true Mason, as I have told you, lies in perfecting himself.
My benefactor then explained to me fully the meaning of the Great Square of creation and pointed out to me that the numbers three and seven are the basis of everything.
My mother-in-law came to me in tears and said that Helene was here and that she implored me to hear her; that she was innocent and unhappy at my desertion, and much more.
I told my wife that I begged her to forget the past, to forgive me whatever wrong I may have done her, and that I had nothing to forgive.
She need not know how hard it was for me to see her again.
He told me of the Emperor's new projects.
They laid on me the duty of Rhetor.
A strange feeling agitated me all the time I was alone with him in the dark chamber.
It seemed to me that his object in entering the Brotherhood was merely to be intimate and in favor with members of our lodge.
Great Architect of Nature, help me to find the true path out of the labyrinth of lies!
I wished to meditate, but instead my imagination pictured an occurrence of four years ago, when Dolokhov, meeting me in Moscow after our duel, said he hoped I was enjoying perfect peace of mind in spite of my wife's absence.
His coming vexed me from the first, and I said something disagreeable to him.
And suddenly Brother A. came and, taking my arm, led me to a building to enter which we had to pass along a narrow plank.
I looked round and saw Brother A. standing on the fence and pointing me to a broad avenue and garden, and in the garden was a large and beautiful building.
But as soon as I drew near I saw that his face had changed and grown young, and he was quietly telling me something about the teaching of our order, but so softly that I could not hear it.
He was telling me something, and I wished to show him my sensibility, and not listening to what he was saying I began picturing to myself the condition of my inner man and the grace of God sanctifying me.
But he looked at me with vexation and jumped up, breaking off his remarks.
And he said, Tell me frankly what is your chief temptation?
To this he replied that one should not deprive a wife of one's embraces and gave me to understand that that was my duty.
And suddenly I saw him lying like a dead body; then he gradually recovered and went with me into my study carrying a large book of sheets of drawing paper; I said, "I drew that," and he answered by bowing his head.
Only excuse me, my dear fellow, I'll give you twenty thousand and a note of hand for eighty thousand as well.
No, do tell me! and she removed her hand.
There's no need for me to marry him.
You're awfully like me, just such another giggler....
"Don't do it without me!" called Natasha.
Give me my thimble, Miss, from there...
"If you please, Miss! allow me," said the maid, who on her knees was pulling the skirt straight and shifting the pins from one side of her mouth to the other with her tongue.
I'd give it to him if he treated me as he does those ladies.
She was not concerned about the Emperor or any of those great people whom Peronskaya was pointing out--she had but one thought: Is it possible no one will ask me, that I shall not be among the first to dance?
They do not even seem to see me, or if they do they look as if they were saying, 'Ah, she's not the one I'm after, so it's not worth looking at her!'
"Excuse me!" he added, turning to the baron, "we will finish this conversation elsewhere--at a ball one must dance."
"Allow me to introduce you to my daughter," said the countess, with heightened color.
"I have the pleasure of being already acquainted, if the countess remembers me," said Prince Andrew with a low and courteous bow quite belying Peronskaya's remarks about his rudeness, and approaching Natasha he held out his arm to grasp her waist before he had completed his invitation.
A very simple thought occurred to him: What does it matter to me or to Bitski what the Emperor was pleased to say at the Council?
Can all that make me any happier or better?
"Why do I strive, why do I toil in this narrow, confined frame, when life, all life with all its joys, is open to me?" said he to himself.
"I must use my freedom while I feel so much strength and youth in me," he said to himself.
I wished to ask the countess and you to do me the honor of coming to tea and to supper.
So you will do me the favor.
For heaven's sake don't ask me anything now!
"But such a... such a... never happened to me before!" she said.
"I should not have believed anyone who told me that I was capable of such love," said Prince Andrew.
"If only they would let me end my days as I want to," thought the old man, "then they might do as they please."
"There, that's me!" the expression of her face seemed to say as she caught sight of herself.
Do you give it to me? said Prince Andrew.
"Is it possible that this stranger has now become everything to me?" she asked herself, and immediately answered, "Yes, everything!
He alone is now dearer to me than everything in the world.
"Forgive me!" he said.
What if what he seeks in me is not there?
But not to speak of her alone, that early and terrible death has had the most beneficent influence on me and on my brother in spite of all our grief.
Then, at the moment of our loss, these thoughts could not occur to me; I should then have dismissed them with horror, but now they are very clear and certain.
He has realized, it seems to me, that life is not over for him.
If the doctors did not keep me here at the spas I should be back in Russia, but as it is I have to postpone my return for three months.
You know me and my relations with Father.
Never let me see your face here again, you villain!
Mitenka has told me all about it.
Forgive me if I have caused you unpleasantness.
Come to me with Uvarka.
He knew me, said Natasha, referring to her favorite hound.
"What would it be to Thee to do this for me?" he said to God.
"Nicholas, Nicholas!" she said, turning to her brother, as if asking him: "What is it moves me so?"
"No, you have not understood me," said his mother, not knowing how to justify herself.
You have not understood me, Nikolenka.
"No, you have not understood me, don't let us talk about it," she replied, wiping away her tears.
If I love Sonya, that feeling is for me stronger and higher than all else.
Don't look at me, Mamma!
"Sit down with me a little," said the countess.
Yes, go to the yard and fetch a fowl, please, a cock, and you, Misha, bring me some oats.
And you, Theodore, get me a piece of chalk.
There won't then be in me what there is now.
"Mamma!" she muttered, "give him to me, give him, Mamma, quickly, quickly!" and she again had difficulty in repressing her sobs.
Sing me something, they heard the countess say.
Dear me! there's no recognizing them!
She really reminds me of somebody.
Dear me, there's a Circassian.
But I--what is to become of me? thought he.
Don't let me set eyes on you; beg her pardon!
Why do you ask me that? said Princess Mary, still thinking of that morning's conversation with her father.
He would give me advice.
I don't know what is the matter with me today.
"And how I pity her mother," she went on; "today she showed me her accounts and letters from Penza (they have enormous estates there), and she, poor thing, has no one to help her, and they do cheat her so!"
He dined with me on Wednesday.
Don't judge by me: sleeves nowadays are this size!
They'll be safe with me, as safe as in Chancery!
She has asked me to bring you two together.
"They can't help liking me," she thought.
If you'll allow me to leave my Natasha in your hands for a quarter of an hour, Princess, I'll drive round to see Anna Semenovna, it's quite near in the Dogs' Square, and then I'll come back for her.
Kiss me, said Sonya.
I would not be silly and afraid of things, I would simply embrace him, cling to him, and make him look at me with those searching inquiring eyes with which he has so often looked at me, and then I would make him laugh as he used to laugh.
"Dear me, Michael Kirilovich has grown still stouter!" remarked the count.
"They are talking about us, about me and him!" thought Natasha.
What right has he not to wish to receive me into his family?
"Do make me acquainted with your charming daughters," said she.
Dear count, you must let me look after your daughters!
"Let me introduce my brother to you," said Helene, her eyes shifting uneasily from Natasha to Anatole.
Do come, dear countess, and give me this flower as a pledge!
So it is plain that nothing has happened and there is nothing to repent of, and Andrew can love me still.
My brother dined with me yesterday--we nearly died of laughter--he ate nothing and kept sighing for you, my charmer!
And she is such a grande dame, so kind, and evidently likes me so much.
Don't speak to me of that!
"But she doesn't like me," said Natasha.
"A man told me to give you this-" and she handed Natasha a letter.
There is no other way for me, the letter began.
It seems to me I've loved him a hundred years.
It seems to me that I have never loved anyone before.
You want me to be miserable, you want us to be separated....
Tell me everything--the whole truth.
He asked me what I had promised Bolkonski.
Perhaps all is over between me and Bolkonski.
Now don't think badly of me or of him.
"Natasha," said she, "you asked me not to speak to you, and I haven't spoken, but now you yourself have begun.
Leave me alone, leave me alone!
"Well, anyway," thought Sonya as she stood in the dark passage, "now or never I must prove that I remember the family's goodness to me and that I love Nicholas.
Let me have what you can to go to the fair.
"I say, Balaga," said Anatole, putting his hands on the man's shoulders, "do you care for me or not?
Now, do me a service....
Drive all three to death but get me there in three hours.
Remember me to Steshka.
Good-bye, Matrena, wish me luck!
"Marya Dmitrievna, for God's sake let me in to her!" she pleaded, but Marya Dmitrievna unlocked the door and went in without giving her an answer....
"It's lucky for him that he escaped me; but I'll find him!" she said in her rough voice.
Oh, let me be!
And what can they want with me? thought he as he dressed to go to Marya Dmitrievna's.
"You're a scoundrel and a blackguard, and I don't know what deprives me from the pleasure of smashing your head with this!" said Pierre, expressing himself so artificially because he was talking French.
"I don't know that and don't want to," he said, not looking at Pierre and with a slight tremor of his lower jaw, "but you have used such words to me--'mean' and so on--which as a man of honor I can't allow anyone to use."
If you want me to do as you wish, eh?
Forgive me for troubling you...
If you wish to be my friend never speak to me of that... of all that!
She has worried me to death!
He told me once to apply to you...
Tell him only that I beg him to forgive, forgive, forgive me for everything....
We won't speak of it, my dear--I'll tell him everything; but one thing I beg of you, consider me your friend and if you want help, advice, or simply to open your heart to someone--not now, but when your mind is clearer think of me!
Don't speak to me like that.
All is over for me, she replied with shame and self- abasement.
Vive l'Empereur!... preur!--If they make me Governor of India, Gerard, I'll make you Minister of Kashmir-- that's settled.
Yesterday I learned that, despite the loyalty with which I have kept my engagements with Your Majesty, your troops have crossed the Russian frontier, and I have this moment received from Petersburg a note, in which Count Lauriston informs me, as a reason for this aggression, that Your Majesty has considered yourself to be in a state of war with me from the time Prince Kuragin asked for his passports.
The reasons on which the Duc de Bassano based his refusal to deliver them to him would never have led me to suppose that that could serve as a pretext for aggression.
"You are perfectly at liberty to treat me with respect or not," protested Balashev, "but permit me to observe that I have the honor to be adjutant general to His Majesty...."
"So now you want me to retire beyond the Niemen--only the Niemen?" repeated Napoleon, looking straight at Balashev.
If you gave me Petersburg and Moscow I could not accept such conditions.
And you offer me negotiations when I have expended millions, when you are in alliance with England, and when your position is a bad one.
You offer me negotiations!
"Know that if you stir up Prussia against me, I'll wipe it off the map of Europe!" he declared, his face pale and distorted by anger, and he struck one of his small hands energetically with the other.
Why does Prince Andrew, who sees this, say nothing to me about his sister?
Does he think me a scoundrel, or an old fool who, without any reason, keeps his own daughter at a distance and attaches this Frenchwoman to himself?
He doesn't understand, so I must explain it, and he must hear me out, thought the old prince.
"If Mary is already persuading me to forgive, it means that I ought long ago to have punished him," he thought.
Why ask me? said he.
The principles laid down by me must be strictly adhered to, said he, drumming on the table with his bony fingers.
Nothing but honor could keep me from returning to the country.
"Dear me, how jolly we are!" said Rostov laughing.
Perhaps he'll take pity on me someday, when it comes to cutting off a leg or an arm for me.
"But what on earth is worrying me?" he asked himself as he rode back from the general.
And they have given me a St. George's Cross....
"Teach me what I should do, how to live my life, how I may grow good forever, forever!" she pleaded.
I want nothing, wish for nothing; teach me what to do and how to use my will!
Take me, take me! prayed Natasha, with impatient emotion in her heart, not crossing herself but letting her slender arms hang down as if expecting some invisible power at any moment to take her and deliver her from herself, from her regrets, desires, remorse, hopes, and sins.
She smiled at me yesterday and asked me to come again, and I love her, and no one will ever know it.
"Do, please, for heaven's sake, relieve me of something!" said the courier.
"Count, is it wrong of me to sing?" she said blushing, and fixing her eyes inquiringly on him.
You don't know how important you are to me, how much you've done for me....
Oh yes, let me congratulate you!
Well, Papa, I tell you definitely, and Mamma too, it's as you please, but I say definitely that you must let me enter the army, because I can't... that's all....
Because it is better for me to come less often... because...
Bwing me my pipe!
You've made me quarrel with my son!
The princesses Aline and Sophie sit whole days with me, and we, unhappy widows of live men, make beautiful conversations over our 'charpie', only you, my friend, are missing... and so on.
Well, Michael Ivanovich," he suddenly went on, raising his head and pointing to the plan of the building, "tell me how you mean to alter it...."
Oh, that this toil might end and you would release me! thought he.
Quicker, quicker--and that they should leave me in peace!
'Take me away,' says she, 'don't let me perish with my little children!
Don't let me die!
It is disgraceful, a stain on our army, and as for him, he ought, it seems to me, not to live.
Tell me, for God's sake, what will Russia, our mother Russia, say to our being so frightened, and why are we abandoning our good and gallant Fatherland to such rabble and implanting feelings of hatred and shame in all our subjects?
"Let me alone; it's not true!" she cried angrily to him.
His excellency Prince Andrew himself gave me orders to move all the people away and not leave them with the enemy, and there is an order from the Tsar about it too.
Take the keys from me and discharge me, for Christ's sake!
"Besides, is it for me, for me who desired his death, to condemn anyone?" she thought.
"Oh, if anyone knew how little anything matters to me now," she said.
"Dunyasha, send Alpatych, or Dronushka, or somebody to me!" she said, "and tell Mademoiselle Bourienne not to come to me," she added, hearing Mademoiselle Bourienne's voice.
Is it true, as they tell me, that I can't even go away?
But why didn't you tell me, Dronushka?
Discharge me, little mother, for God's sake!
Order the keys to be taken from me, said he.
Discharge me, for God's sake!
I know it is, only listen to me for God's sake!
Dronushka tells me that the war has ruined you.
"But you can't have understood me," said Princess Mary with a sad smile.
"Even then he wanted to tell me what he told me the day he died," she thought.
Why didn't he let me be there instead of Tikhon?
Never will that moment return for him or for me when he might have said all he longed to say, and not Tikhon but I might have heard and understood him.
Perhaps he would then have said to me what he said the day he died.
While talking to Tikhon he asked about me twice.
He wanted to see me, and I was standing close by, outside the door.
The princess ordered me to ask your regiment and your name.
And what a strange fate sent me here!
Go when you please, and I give you my word of honor that no one shall dare to cause you annoyance if only you will allow me to act as your escort.
"Excuse me!" she said.
"And you all listen to me!" said Rostov to the peasants.
If you don't want to make me blush, please don't thank me!
Give me five hundwed men and I will bweak the line, that's certain!
Come with me, we'll have a talk, said he.
But believe me, my dear boy, there is nothing stronger than those two: patience and time, they will do it all.
For Gallicisms I won't be responsible," she remarked, turning to the author: "I have neither the money nor the time, like Prince Galitsyn, to engage a master to teach me Russian!"
Let me have some more strips of linen.
Barbara Ivanovna told me today how our troops are distinguishing themselves.
I ask just one thing of you, cousin," she went on, "arrange for me to be taken to Petersburg.
Barbara Ivanovna told me the mob near killed her because she said something in French.
Then when we get back, do spend the night with me and we'll arrange a game of cards.
"Call him to me," said Kutuzov.
I concluded that if I reported to your Serene Highness you might send me away or say that you knew what I was reporting, but then I shouldn't lose anything...
Glory, the good of society, love of a woman, the Fatherland itself--how important these pictures appeared to me, with what profound meaning they seemed to be filled!
I believed in some ideal love which was to keep her faithful to me for the whole year of my absence!
"I have come... simply... you know... come... it interests me," said Pierre, who had so often that day senselessly repeated that word "interesting."
Julie Drubetskaya told me so.
And tell me your opinion of Barclay de Tolly.
Well, to mention only firewood and fodder, let me inform you.
"On the feeling that is in me and in him," he pointed to Timokhin, "and in each soldier."
For me tomorrow means this: a Russian army of a hundred thousand and a French army of a hundred thousand have met to fight, and the thing is that these two hundred thousand men will fight and the side that fights more fiercely and spares itself least will win.
The soldiers in my battalion, believe me, wouldn't drink their vodka!
The French have destroyed my home and are on their way to destroy Moscow, they have outraged and are outraging me every moment.
Ah, my friend, it has of late become hard for me to live.
"Do you remember, sire, what you did me the honor to say at Smolensk?" continued Rapp.
Corvisart gave me these lozenges but they don't help at all.
Come along with me to our knoll.
"Don't trouble about me," said Pierre.
Yes, tell them to bring me my horse.
Tell General Barclay from me that his information is incorrect and that the real course of the battle is better known to me, the commander-in-chief, than to him.
Yes, that man is somehow closely and painfully connected with me, thought Prince Andrew, not yet clearly grasping what he saw before him.
"Give me your hand," said he and, turning it over so as to feel the pulse, added: "You are not well, my dear fellow.
Allow me to tell you, your excellency, that that question has no meaning for a Russian.
But I," he paused, "by the authority entrusted to me by my Sovereign and country, order a retreat."
"Well, yes," said she, "it may be that he has other sentiments for me than those of a father, but that is not a reason for me to shut my door on him.
Marry me, and I will be your slave!
"You won't deign to demean yourself by marrying me, you..." said Helene, beginning to cry.
Tell me, as you would a sister, what I ought to do.
"You are not taking me unawares, you know," said he.
But tell me, how will your husband look at the matter?
"Oh, he loves me so!" said Helene, who for some reason imagined that Pierre too loved her.
I want to understand what was revealing itself to me in my dream.
"But military men have told me that it is impossible to fight in the town," said Pierre, "and that the position..."
"That is for me to know, but not for you to ask," shouted Rostopchin.
Mavra Kuzminichna has sent me: they have brought some wounded here--officers.
Count, be so good as to allow me... for God's sake, to get into some corner of one of your carts!
Countess dear... an officer came to me to ask for a few carts for the wounded.
If you have no pity on me, have some for the children.
Please let me have one, I will pay the man well, and...
Please forgive me, darling....
Dunyasha can go with me in the carriage.
Mamma, if you'll let me, I'll stay!
One word from me, one movement of my hand, and that ancient capital of the Tsars would perish.
However, I know their presence will inspire me, and I shall speak to them as I always do: clearly, impressively, and majestically.
Yes, here it lies before me, but why is the deputation from the city so long in appearing? he wondered.
"Oh, gracious me, a man beaten to death--killed!..." screamed a woman coming out of a gate close by.
"I daresay you would like to bind me!" shouted the publican, pushing away the men advancing on him, and snatching his cap from his head he flung it on the ground.
Do you expect me to give you two battalions--which we have not got--for a convoy?
I don't need you to tell me what to do! exclaimed Rostopchin angrily.
This is what they have done with me! thought he, full of an irrepressible fury that welled up within him against the someone to whom what was happening might be attributed.
Thrice have they slain me, thrice have I risen from the dead.
They stoned me, crucified me...
"Well then, take me and execute me!" he went on, speaking to himself and bowing his head with a sad but firm expression.
Allow me to have the pistol.
"Master, not here--don't understand... me, you..." said Gerasim, trying to render his words more comprehensible by contorting them.
You shall tell me all about that presently.
Will you now be so good as to tell me with whom I have the honor of conversing so pleasantly, instead of being in the ambulance with that maniac's bullet in my body?
Yes, my dear Monsieur Pierre, I owe you a fine votive candle for saving me from that maniac....
Apropos, tell me please, is it true that the women have all left Moscow?
Well, if you hadn't told me you were Russian, I should have wagered that you were Parisian!
No, really, have you anything against me? he asked Pierre.
Please get it for me and put it under for a moment, he pleaded in a piteous voice.
"Yes, a new happiness was revealed to me of which man cannot be deprived," he thought as he lay in the semidarkness of the quiet hut, gazing fixedly before him with feverish wide open eyes.
If only it were possible for me to see her once more!
"Forgive me!" she whispered, raising her head and glancing at him.
"Forgive me for what I ha-ve do-ne!" faltered Natasha in a scarcely audible, broken whisper, and began kissing his hand more rapidly, just touching it with her lips.
"Dear people, good Christians, save me, help me, dear friends... help us, somebody," she muttered between her sobs.
Show me the way, show me, I...
"She is bringing me my daughter whom I have just saved from the flames," said he.
Prince Kutuzov's adjutant has brought me a letter in which he demands police officers to guide the army to the Ryazan road.
You can yourself imagine the effect this news has had on me, and your silence increases my astonishment.
Have you brought me sad news, Colonel?
"Sire, will you allow me to speak frankly as befits a loyal soldier?" he asked to gain time.
Conceal nothing from me, I wish to know absolutely how things are.
You set me at ease, Colonel.
I have learned to know him, and he will not deceive me any more....
You know you let me call you so?
"Do you know, dear boy," began the governor's wife with a serious expression on her kind little face, "that really would be the match for you: would you like me to arrange it?"
Do you want me to do it?
You see, Aunt, Mamma has long wanted me to marry an heiress, but the very idea of marrying for money is repugnant to me.
And as long as my sister Natasha was engaged to her brother it was of course out of the question for me to think of marrying her.
I shall not be at peace till you promise me this.
You cannot know me, General, I have never seen you...
"How can you show me that you are telling the truth?" said Davout coldly.
No, I went to look at the fire, and they arrested me there, and tried me as an incendiary.
It was last Sunday they took me, out of a hospital in Moscow.
They call me 'little falcon' in the regiment.
Father, he says, 'All my children are the same to me: it hurts the same whichever finger gets bitten.
Every night before lying down, he said: "Lord, lay me down as a stone and raise me up as a loaf!" and every morning on getting up, he said: "I lay down and curled up, I get up and shake myself."
She looks after me all the time.
"Why talk of me?" she said quietly and glanced at Natasha.
No one else gives me that sense of soft tranquillity that you do... that light.
That readiness will not weaken in me, but I and Russia have a right to expect from you all the zeal, firmness, and success which your intellect, military talent, and the courage of the troops you command justify us in expecting.
If only they don't make me responsible for this delay!
When I was a chit of an officer no one would have dared to mock me so... and now!
'You see, St. Thomas,' he said to me the other day.
If he wants anything and asks me, he won't get a refusal.
But give me the pieces that are over.
And he said aloud to himself: The soldier did not let me pass.
They took me and shut me up.
They hold me captive.
"And all that is me, all that is within me, and it is all I!" thought Pierre.
He gave me no instructions.
They rushed at me with their little swords.
Denisov at once cheered up and, calling Petya to him, said: "Well, tell me about yourself."
Only do let me into the very... into the chief...
Only, please let me command something, so that I may really command...
I have brought some with me, here they are"--and he showed a bag--"a hundred flints.
Let me kiss you, dear old fellow!
Well, you must excuse me, because... because...
You'll take me, won't you? he said, turning to Dolokhov.
"But for you and me, old fellow, it's time to drop these amenities," continued Dolokhov, as if he found particular pleasure in speaking of this subject which irritated Denisov.
Who has told them not to capture me these twenty times over?
But if they did catch me they'd string me up to an aspen tree, and with all your chivalry just the same.
Well, are you coming with me? he asked Petya.
But above all Denisov must not dare to imagine that I'll obey him and that he can order me about.
Besides, I want to go very much and certainly will go, so don't hinder me, said he.
* "Tell me, is Colonel Gerard here?"
Vasili Dmitrich, entrust me with some commission!
"I ask one thing of you," he said sternly, "to obey me and not shove yourself forward anywhere."
'You are perishing because of me, Daddy,' he says.
Forgive me, Daddy,' he says, 'for Christ's sake!'
Don't let him suffer because of me.'
Do please just leave me alone!
You know that for me there is nothing in life but you, and to suffer with you is the greatest happiness for me, and he took her hand and pressed it as he had pressed it that terrible evening four days before his death.
"Natasha, you love me?" she said in a soft trustful whisper.
You'll tell me the whole truth?
I don't want to sleep, Mary, sit by me a little.
Why did you bring me away?
"Mary," she said timidly, drawing Princess Mary's hand to herself, "Mary, you mustn't think me wicked.
Tell them to send me to hospital; I'm aching all over; anyway I shan't be able to keep up.
"Well, tell me... now, how did you get food?" he would ask.
Perhaps she will see me, said Pierre.
It merely reminds me of her.
"She has come to stay with me," said Princess Mary.
For me it certainly was happiness.
Then suddenly Sonya told me he was traveling with us.
They even tell me wonders I myself never dreamed of!
Mary Abramovna invited me to her house and kept telling me what had happened, or ought to have happened, to me.
Stepan Stepanych also instructed me how I ought to tell of my experiences.
"Tell me, you did not know of the countess' death when you decided to remain in Moscow?" asked Princess Mary and immediately blushed, noticing that her question, following his mention of freedom, ascribed to his words a meaning he had perhaps not intended.
We were not an exemplary couple," he added quickly, glancing at Natasha and noticing on her face curiosity as to how he would speak of his wife, "but her death shocked me terribly.
"People speak of misfortunes and sufferings," remarked Pierre, "but if at this moment I were asked: 'Would you rather be what you were before you were taken prisoner, or go through all this again?' then for heaven's sake let me again have captivity and horseflesh!
It did me so much good to tell all about it today.
What's the good of freedom to me, your excellency?
I will call round in case you have any commissions for me, said he, standing before Princess Mary and turning red, but not taking his departure.
Tell me, can I hope?
Tell me what I am to do, dear princess! he added after a pause, and touched her hand as she did not reply.
"I am thinking of what you have told me," answered Princess Mary.
"Leave it to me," said Princess Mary.
I wish it to happen and my heart tells me it will.
He did not repeat to himself with a sickening feeling of shame the words he had spoken, or say: "Oh, why did I not say that?" and, "Whatever made me say 'Je vous aime'?"
"Mary," said she, "tell me what I should do!
Whatever you tell me, I will do.
Whether the preservation of my father's house in Moscow, or the glory of the Russian arms, or the prosperity of the Petersburg and other universities, or the freedom of Poland or the greatness of Russia, or the balance of power in Europe, or a certain kind of European culture called "progress" appear to me to be good or bad, I must admit that besides these things the action of every historic character has other more general purposes inaccessible to me.
Let me live like a man and think of my soul and of God.
Leave me in peace, his looks seemed to say.
"I thought you would allow me to tell you this," she said.
For some reason you wish to deprive me of our former friendship.
I have had so little happiness in life that every loss is hard for me to bear....
Excuse me, good-by! and suddenly she began to cry and was hurrying from the room.
If he had told me he was drunk and did not see...
Oh, Mary, don't remind me of it! and again he flushed.
"I give you my word of honor it shan't occur again, and let this always be a reminder to me," and he pointed to the broken ring.
"Mary, you must despise me!" he would say.
"I did not notice him following me," she said timidly.
It seems to be that you can't love me, that I am so plain... always... and now... in this cond...
"Adele tempted me: she kept on telling me to buy it," returned Pierre.
"Thank you, my dear, you have cheered me up," said she as she always did.
It is always the first thing that tells me all is well.
"No, Monsieur Dessalles, I will ask my aunt to let me stay," replied Nicholas Bolkonski also in a whisper.
"Ma tante, please let me stay," said he, going up to his aunt.
It is only to prevent some Pugachev or other from killing my children and yours, and Arakcheev from sending me off to some Military Settlement.
"Uncle, forgive me, I did that... unintentionally," he said, pointing to the broken sealing wax and pens.
For a long time he was silent, as if astonished, then he jumped out of bed, ran to me in his shirt, and sobbed so that I could not calm him for a long time.
They all fell on me--Denisov and Natasha...
This evening he listened to Pierre in a sort of trance, and fancy--as we were going in to supper I looked and he had broken everything on my table to bits, and he told me of it himself at once!
"You know, Mary, today Elias Mitrofanych" (this was his overseer) "came back from the Tambov estate and told me they are already offering eighty thousand rubles for the forest."
Yes, and for me nothing else is serious.
Besides, when I was in Petersburg I felt (I can say this to you) that the whole affair would go to pieces without me--everyone was pulling his own way.
I only wanted to tell you about Petya: today nurse was coming to take him from me, and he laughed, shut his eyes, and clung to me.
He approved of me and of Uncle Pierre.
Whatever he may tell me, I will do it.
I know they want me to learn.
I only pray God that something may happen to me such as happened to Plutarch's men, and I will act as they did.
Everyone shall know me, love me, and be delighted with me!
It is the reason why the life and activity of people who lived centuries ago and are connected with me in time cannot seem to me as free as the life of a contemporary, the consequences of which are still unknown to me.
My action seems to me free; but asking myself whether I could raise my arm in every direction, I see that I raised it in the direction in which there was least obstruction to that action either from things around me or from the construction of my own body.
"Tell me, Carmen," Mary said as she dried a dish.
Do you want to tell me about it?
"Let me show you to your rooms," Felipa said, taking Carmen by the arm.
"Give me?" she teased, trying to lighten the mood.
You will not call me father?
Carmen, you're driving me crazy.
Are you going to tell me who he is?
I mean, you let Dulce believe you talked me into this surrogacy thing.
But your father didn't kiss me, and Josh didn't...
Have you come to take me to Hugson's Ranch?
I work for Uncle Bill on his ranch, and he pays me six dollars a month and my board.
And if I can't eat the piglets you may as well plant me at once and raise catsup.
Unhitch those tugs, Zeb, and set me free from the buggy, so I can fight comfortably.
Now, Eureka, you'll have to show me the way to those wings.
Quick Zeb, help me pull off these wooden wings!
"No?" drawled the dragonette; "it seems to me very babyish."
"Permit me to say," returned the dragonette, "that you are rather impolite to call us names, knowing that we cannot resent your insults.
"It occurs to me," said the Wizard, "that we ought to get out of this place before the mother dragon comes back."
"Dear me!" cried Dorothy.
It wouldn't be possible for even me to get up to that crack--or through it if I got there.
"Thank you, my dear, for doing me justice," responded the Wizard, gratefully.
Couldn't you wish me in some safer place than Oz.
But she has ordered me to make you welcome and to show you to your apartments.
"What's to become of me?" asked the horse, uneasily.
Please tell me, Mr. Wizard, whether you called yourself Oz after this great country, or whether you believe my country is called Oz after you.
One day my balloon ran away with me and brought me across the deserts to this beautiful country.
When the people saw me come from the sky they naturally thought me some superior creature, and bowed down before me.
It has made me many friends, I assure you, and it beats as kindly and lovingly today as it every did.
You may have them, if you will give me the whistle.
It will not see me till it comes very near.
I doubt you need me to prove these assertions—they are probably part of your daily experience.
Bear with me a little longer.
But in the excitement of carrying me to church my father lost the name on the way, very naturally, since it was one in which he had declined to have a part.
My mother, moreover, succeeded in making me understand a good deal.
I always knew when she wished me to bring her something, and I would run upstairs or anywhere else she indicated.
First of all, dear friend, tell me how you are.
It hurts me, it hurts.
"Come with me," said the Prince to him.
My daughter is coming for me to take me there.
Let me illustrate this one from my own life.