A woman has a right to protect herself – any way she can.
In her confused state of mind, she had convinced herself that he loved her.
She gingerly untangled herself from some thorny vines and tried to stand.
In the last few weeks she had allowed herself to be distracted.
She lifted her canteen and allowed herself a swallow of the tepid water.
Something... she shook herself mentally.
She turned away from the beauty of the ranch, reminding herself that she had made the decision to leave.
She finished her oatmeal and pored herself a cup of coffee.
It was one thing to tell herself everything was resolved, but quite another to thoroughly accept something she had always considered wrong.
With that dark thought, she excused herself and went to her room.
Why did she need to prove to anyone, least of all herself, that she was right in breaking off the relationship?
No matter how often she asked herself the question, the answer remained elusive.
The night air was chilly on her bare arms and she shivered involuntarily, annoyed at herself because it looked like an obvious ploy.
Flinging herself on the bed, she sobbed out the anger and hurt.
Pulling the rail back up, she stood beside the tent, helplessly watching Destiny cry until she coughed herself into another retching fit.
All her plans were about to blow up – all this because she had allowed herself to be drawn into a relationship.
She met his gaze, her stomach tense as she steeled herself against the response to her next probing question.
His body was the nearest available leaning post, so she helped herself, burying her face in his chest.
Of course, once she had convinced everyone else what a foolish move it would be, how was she going to convince herself that she didn't need Brandon in her life?
She pored herself a cup and started breakfast, wondering where Bordeaux was.
Anyway she finally got so lonely and depressed that she locked herself in her room one day and shot herself.
How did she get herself into predicaments like this?
Deciding to use the sun to orient herself, she detoured around several dense patches of blackberry bushes.
Hadn't she resigned herself to being the ugly duckling years ago?
Her erotic dreams were proof that he was becoming more than a friend to her, and that thought was troubling - both from the standpoint of her goals, and the fact that she was setting herself up for rejection.
She owed it to herself to find out for sure, didn't she?
Locked herself in her room for days working on layette sets for the grand children Russie would never provide.
Failing to make herself understood, she would become violent.
Truth is always in harmony with herself, and is not concerned chiefly to reveal the justice that may consist with wrong-doing.
Carmen assigned responsibility for that to herself because she didn't notice early enough that Destiny was sick.
Again she had allowed herself to be put in a precarious situation.
And now she had put herself in a position where she would be alone with him in the car.
Dorothy was herself anxious to get home, so she promised Eureka they would not stay in the Land of Oz much longer.
Not my or thy great-grandfather's, but our great-grandmother Nature's universal, vegetable, botanic medicines, by which she has kept herself young always, outlived so many old Parrs in her day, and fed her health with their decaying fatness.
The phÅ“be had already come once more and looked in at my door and window, to see if my house was cavern-like enough for her, sustaining herself on humming wings with clinched talons, as if she held by the air, while she surveyed the premises.
The little princess went round the table with quick, short, swaying steps, her workbag on her arm, and gaily spreading out her dress sat down on a sofa near the silver samovar, as if all she was doing was a pleasure to herself and to all around her.
After her father's funeral Princess Mary shut herself up in her room and did not admit anyone.
She blushed, pressed her clasped hands on her knees, and then controlling herself with an evident effort lifted her head and began to speak rapidly.
She shoved the photo back into the envelope and closed the lip, willing herself not to think about the previous pregnancy and its tragic end.
At his disappointed expression, she gave herself an attitude adjustment.
Carmen disentangled herself from Destiny and urged her to lie down.
Pulling the rail back up, she stood beside the tent, helplessly watching Destiny cry until she coughed herself into another retching fit.
The money would assist in taking care of her schooling.
She didn't want to talk about herself anyway.
She plodded on, willing herself to take each step, not thinking of the miles to go, but merely getting through one more painful step.
Glancing up, she found herself staring into the eyes of Bordeaux.
For the next week Cynthia listened to - and even found herself instigating - discussions about Mr. Cade.
She glanced around the kitchen, knowing she should familiarize herself before breakfast, but feeling uncomfortable about exploring so soon after her arrival.
Still, she poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down at the table.
An hour later she found herself staring vacantly into the fire again.
The heart thing happened again and she busied herself at the table.
Yet, when the smell of bacon lured him to the kitchen, she found herself wishing he would address the subject.
Again she had abandoned morality and shamed herself in front of him.
He wasn't the first man she had kissed and she had never considered herself promiscuous with other men.
Wiping her face with a cold rag, she composed herself and answered the door.
She was faced with three basic choices: Abortion; raise the child herself; or give the baby up for adoption.
I decided to talk to you this weekend, but I guess Mary found the form and took it upon herself to mail it to you.
"No they won't," said the voice of the kitten, and Eureka herself crawled over the edge of the platform and sat down quietly upon the floor.
She nestled herself comfortably in Dorothy's lap until the kitten gave a snarl of jealous anger and leaped up with a sharp claw fiercely bared to strike Billina a blow.
There was more applause at this, and then Ozma had the jewelled saddle replaced upon the Sawhorse and herself rode the victor back to the city at the head of the grand procession.
Eureka was much surprised to find herself in disgrace; but she was, in spite of the fact that she had not eaten the piglet.
This lovely, sweet-natured lady offered to teach me herself, and we began the twenty-sixth of March, 1890.
The only time she had to prepare herself for the work with her pupil was from August, 1886, when Captain Keller wrote, to February, 1887.
She learned it gladly when she discovered that she could herself read what she had written; and this still affords her constant pleasure.
Helen was petted and caressed enough to spoil an angel; but I do not think it is possible to spoil her, she is too unconscious of herself, and too loving.
Then she threw herself on the floor and began to swim so energetically that some of us thought we should be kicked out of our chairs!
Indeed, her whole body is so finely organized that she seems to use it as a medium for bringing herself into closer relations with her fellow creatures.
She is very fond of children younger than herself, and a baby invariably calls forth all the motherly instincts of her nature.
She has a very sociable disposition, and delights in the companionship of those who can follow the rapid motions of her fingers; but if left alone she will amuse herself for hours at a time with her knitting or sewing.
She had learned the printed letters, and for some time had amused herself by making simple sentences, using slips on which the words were printed in raised letters; but these sentences had no special relation to one another.
Often I found her, when she had a little leisure, sitting in her favourite corner, in a chair whose arms supported the big volume prepared for the blind, and passing her finger slowly over the lines of Moliere's 'Le Medecin Malgre Lui,' chuckling to herself at the comical situations and humorous lines.
At the time when I became her teacher, she had made for herself upward of sixty signs, all of which were imitative and were readily understood by those who knew her.
The teachers at the Institution expressed the opinion that the description did not appear in any book in raised print in that library; but one lady, Miss Marrett, took upon herself the task of examining books of poems in ordinary type, and was rewarded by finding the following lines in one of Longfellow's minor poems, entitled 'Snowflakes':
These extracts are from her exercises in her course in composition, where she showed herself at the beginning of her college life quite without rival among her classmates.
But when she saw that Pierre's sacrilegious words had not exasperated the vicomte, and had convinced herself that it was impossible to stop him, she rallied her forces and joined the vicomte in a vigorous attack on the orator.
But that one word expressed an entreaty, a threat, and above all conviction that she would herself regret her words.
Sonya, muttering to herself, kept looking round toward the drawing-room door.
"Herself," came the answer in a rough voice, and Marya Dmitrievna entered the room.
She took a pair of pear-shaped ruby earrings from her huge reticule and, having given them to the rosy Natasha, who beamed with the pleasure of her saint's-day fete, turned away at once and addressed herself to Pierre.
Assuming quite the pose of a society woman (heaven knows when and where she had learned it) she talked with her partner, fanning herself and smiling over the fan.
Last winter she wheedled herself in here and told the count such vile, disgraceful things about us, especially about Sophie--I can't repeat them--that it made the count quite ill and he would not see us for a whole fortnight.
And what does she come worming herself in here for?
Why do you remain silent when heaven knows who permits herself to interfere, making a scene on the very threshold of a dying man's room?
She said the count had died as she would herself wish to die, that his end was not only touching but edifying.
On the morning of the day that the young couple were to arrive, Princess Mary entered the antechamber as usual at the time appointed for the morning greeting.
"Well, madam," he began, stooping over the book close to his daughter and placing an arm on the back of the chair on which she sat, so that she felt herself surrounded on all sides by the acrid scent of old age and tobacco, which she had known so long.
Before they reached the room from which the sounds of the clavichord came, the pretty, fair haired Frenchwoman, Mademoiselle Bourienne, rushed out apparently beside herself with delight.
She crossed herself, kissed the icon, and handed it to Andrew.
It can never happen! she said, looking at herself in the glass.
To tell them that she felt ashamed for herself and for them would be to betray her agitation, while to decline their offers to dress her would prolong their banter and insistence.
She flushed, her beautiful eyes grew dim, red blotches came on her face, and it took on the unattractive martyrlike expression it so often wore, as she submitted herself to Mademoiselle Bourienne and Lise.
The more she tried to hide this feeling from others and even from herself, the stronger it grew.
Mademoiselle Bourienne also shared them and even Princess Mary felt herself pleasantly made to share in these merry reminiscences.
"Got herself up like a fool!" he thought, looking irritably at her.
"You must do as you please," said Prince Bolkonski, bowing to his daughter-in-law, "but she need not make a fool of herself, she's plain enough as it is."
Mademoiselle Bourienne walked up and down the conservatory for a long time that evening, vainly expecting someone, now smiling at someone, now working herself up to tears with the imaginary words of her pauvre mere rebuking her for her fall.
If she has no pride for herself she might at least have some for my sake!
After dinner, she rushed head long after Anna Mikhaylovna and, dashing at her, flung herself on her neck as soon as she overtook her in the sitting room.
"No, on my true word of honor," said Natasha, crossing herself, "I won't tell anyone!" and she ran off at once to Sonya.
Now that he was already an officer and a wounded hero, would it be right to remind him of herself and, as it might seem, of the obligations to her he had taken on himself?
Anna Mikhaylovna, practical woman that she was, had even managed by favor with army authorities to secure advantageous means of communication for herself and her son.
"Darling Denisov!" screamed Natasha, beside herself with rapture, springing to him, putting her arms round him, and kissing him.
See! she said, but could not maintain herself on her toes any longer.
The count was delighted at Anna Mikhaylovna's taking upon herself one of his commissions and ordered the small closed carriage for her.
She did not give him the money, but let herself be kissed.
It was evident that her eyes did not see Princess Mary but were looking within... into herself... at something joyful and mysterious taking place within her.
Natasha guessed what he meant to do, and abandoning herself to him followed his lead hardly knowing how.
But, though she noticed it, she was herself in such high spirits at that moment, so far from sorrow, sadness, or self-reproach, that she purposely deceived herself as young people often do.
Mademoiselle Bourienne, too, seemed passionately fond of the boy, and Princess Mary often deprived herself to give her friend the pleasure of dandling the little angel--as she called her nephew--and playing with him.
Anna Mikhaylovna also had of late visited them less frequently, seemed to hold herself with particular dignity, and always spoke rapturously and gratefully of the merits of her son and the brilliant career on which he had entered.
Natasha jumped on it, sank into the feather bed, rolled over to the wall, and began snuggling up the bedclothes as she settled down, raising her knees to her chin, kicking out and laughing almost inaudibly, now covering herself up head and all, and now peeping at her mother.
Her little feet in their white satin dancing shoes did their work swiftly, lightly, and independently of herself, while her face beamed with ecstatic happiness.
Such as she are rare here, he thought, as Natasha, readjusting a rose that was slipping on her bodice, settled herself beside him.
Could she, like other women" (Vera meant herself), "love a man once for all and remain true to him forever?
Things are nice as it is, she said to herself, and she began walking up and down the room, not stepping simply on the resounding parquet but treading with each step from the heel to the toe (she had on a new and favorite pair of shoes) and listening to the regular tap of the heel and creak of the toe as gladly as she had to the sounds of her own voice.
When she saw herself, her face was pale.
"Is it possible that this stranger has now become everything to me?" she asked herself, and immediately answered, "Yes, everything!
She asked herself in perplexity: What does he look for in me?
Under guise of a present for the pilgrims, Princess Mary prepared a pilgrim's complete costume for herself: a coarse smock, bast shoes, a rough coat, and a black kerchief.
She clicked her teeth (Karay no longer had her by the throat), leaped with a movement of her hind legs out of the gully, and having disengaged herself from the dogs, with tail tucked in again, went forward.
Nicholas and his attendant, with "Uncle" and his huntsman, were all riding round the wolf, crying "ulyulyu!" shouting and preparing to dismount each moment that the wolf crouched back, and starting forward again every time she shook herself and moved toward the wood where she would be safe.
But when he saw that the horsemen did not dismount and that the wolf shook herself and ran for safety, Daniel set his chestnut galloping, not at the wolf but straight toward the wood, just as Karay had run to cut the animal off.
It was evident to the dogs, the hunters, and to the wolf herself that all was now over.
Natasha saw and felt the agitation the two elderly men and her brother were trying to conceal, and was herself excited by it.
"Don't dare to think about it," she said to herself, and sat down again smilingly beside "Uncle," begging him to play something more.
And then I was saying to myself all the way, 'How well Anisya carried herself, how well!'
Though she blamed herself for it, she could not refrain from grumbling at and worrying Sonya, often pulling her up without reason, addressing her stiffly as "my dear," and using the formal "you" instead of the intimate "thou" in speaking to her.
Natasha was still as much in love with her betrothed, found the same comfort in that love, and was still as ready to throw herself into all the pleasures of life as before; but at the end of the fourth month of their separation she began to have fits of depression which she could not master.
She felt sorry for herself: sorry that she was being wasted all this time and of no use to anyone-- while she felt herself so capable of loving and being loved.
She sat behind the bookcase with her eyes fixed on a streak of light escaping from the pantry door and listened to herself and pondered.
Dimmler began to play; Natasha went on tiptoe noiselessly to the table, took up a candle, carried it out, and returned, seating herself quietly in her former place.
Sonya, as she listened, thought of the immense difference there was between herself and her friend, and how impossible it was for her to be anything like as bewitching as her cousin.
"Idiot!" she screamed at her brother and, running to a chair, threw herself on it, sobbing so violently that she could not stop for a long time.
And when saying this she herself fancied she had really seen what she described.
Coldly, without looking at her son, she sent for her husband and, when he came, tried briefly and coldly to inform him of the facts, in her son's presence, but unable to restrain herself she burst into tears of vexation and left the room.
She wrote to him formal, monotonous, and dry letters, to which she attached no importance herself, and in the rough copies of which the countess corrected her mistakes in spelling.
To her consternation she detected in herself in relation to little Nicholas some symptoms of her father's irritability.
Princess Mary asked Mademoiselle Bourienne's pardon, and also her father's pardon for herself and for Philip the footman, who had begged for her intervention.
She was by now decidedly plain, but thought herself not merely as good-looking as before but even far more attractive.
Though nothing of the kind had happened to her she was regarded in that light, and had even herself come to believe that she had suffered much in life.
She held herself as erect, told everyone her opinion as candidly, loudly, and bluntly as ever, and her whole bearing seemed a reproach to others for any weakness, passion, or temptation--the possibility of which she did not admit.
Natasha suddenly shrank into herself and involuntarily assumed an offhand air which alienated Princess Mary still more.
Mademoiselle Bourienne was the first to recover herself after this apparition and began speaking about the prince's indisposition.
Oh, better not think of it--not till he comes back! she told herself, and began looking at the faces, some strange and some familiar, in the stalls.
But looking into his eyes she was frightened, realizing that there was not that barrier of modesty she had always felt between herself and other men.
She did not know how it was that within five minutes she had come to feel herself terribly near to this man.
Ought I to put it right? she asked herself, and she could not refrain from turning round.
She could no longer think of him by herself calmly and continuously as she had done before.
"I don't like those fashionable churches," she said, evidently priding herself on her independence of thought.
After she had gone, a dressmaker from Madame Suppert-Roguet waited on the Rostovs, and Natasha, very glad of this diversion, having shut herself into a room adjoining the drawing room, occupied herself trying on the new dresses.
She only felt herself again completely borne away into this strange senseless world--so remote from her old world--a world in which it was impossible to know what was good or bad, reasonable or senseless.
Burning lips were pressed to hers, and at the same instant she felt herself released, and Helene's footsteps and the rustle of her dress were heard in the room.
How she torments herself, poor thing!
She vividly pictured herself as Prince Andrew's wife, and the scenes of happiness with him she had so often repeated in her imagination, and at the same time, aglow with excitement, recalled every detail of yesterday's interview with Anatole.
"Why could that not be as well?" she sometimes asked herself in complete bewilderment.
With trembling hands Natasha held that passionate love letter which Dolokhov had composed for Anatole, and as she read it she found in it an echo of all that she herself imagined she was feeling.
Clutching her breast to keep herself from choking, Sonya, pale and trembling with fear and agitation, sat down in an armchair and burst into tears.
I shall die! she muttered, wrenching herself from Marya Dmitrievna's hands with a vicious effort and sinking down again into her former position.
Who asked you to? shouted Natasha, raising herself on the sofa and looking malignantly at Marya Dmitrievna.
Marya Dmitrievna went on admonishing her for some time, enjoining on her that it must all be kept from her father and assuring her that nobody would know anything about it if only Natasha herself would undertake to forget it all and not let anyone see that something had happened.
She stopped, seeing in the forward thrust of her husband's head, in his glowing eyes and his resolute gait, the terrible indications of that rage and strength which she knew and had herself experienced after his duel with Dolokhov.
Helene, not having a suitable partner, herself offered to dance the mazurka with Boris.
She, seeing herself surrounded by such brilliant and polite young men, beamed with satisfaction, try as she might to hide it, and perturbed as she evidently was each time her husband moved in his sleep behind her.
Even to Natasha herself it was pleasant to see that so many sacrifices were being made for her sake, and to know that she had to take medicine at certain hours, though she declared that no medicine would cure her and that it was all nonsense.
She knew that, and asked herself, "What next?"
The prayers to which she surrendered herself most of all were those of repentance.
With a sinking heart, wretched as she always was now when she found herself in a crowd, Natasha in her lilac silk dress trimmed with black lace walked- -as women can walk--with the more repose and stateliness the greater the pain and shame in her soul.
From habit she scrutinized the ladies' dresses, condemned the bearing of a lady standing close by who was not crossing herself properly but in a cramped manner, and again she thought with vexation that she was herself being judged and was judging others, and suddenly, at the sound of the service, she felt horrified at her own vileness, horrified that the former purity of her soul was again lost to her.
Take me, take me! prayed Natasha, with impatient emotion in her heart, not crossing herself but letting her slender arms hang down as if expecting some invisible power at any moment to take her and deliver her from herself, from her regrets, desires, remorse, hopes, and sins.
He sprang forward and upset an old woman who was catching at a biscuit; the old woman did not consider herself defeated though she was lying on the ground--she grabbed at some biscuits but her hand did not reach them.
Princess Mary, alarmed by her father's feverish and sleepless activity after his previous apathy, could not bring herself to leave him alone and for the first time in her life ventured to disobey him.
Strange as it was to her to acknowledge this feeling in herself, yet there it was.
On waking she listened to what was going on behind the door and, hearing him groan, said to herself with a sigh that things were still the same.
Unconsciously imitating her father, she now tried to express herself as he did, as much as possible by signs, and her tongue too seemed to move with difficulty.
Princess Mary could no longer restrain herself and wept while she gazed at his face.
She thought he was speaking of Russia, or Prince Andrew, of herself, of his grandson, or of his own death, and so she could not guess his words.
Then, excusing herself, she went to the door of the old prince's room.
"No, he's not dead--it's impossible!" she told herself and approached him, and repressing the terror that seized her, she pressed her lips to his cheek.
She wished to pray but did not dare to, dared not in her present state of mind address herself to God.
He is gone and no one will hinder you, she said to herself, and sinking into a chair she let her head fall on the window sill.
Mademoiselle Bourienne at once began crying again and kissed that hand, speaking of the princess' sorrow and making herself a partner in it.
She said her only consolation was the fact that the princess allowed her to share her sorrow, that all the old misunderstandings should sink into nothing but this great grief; that she felt herself blameless in regard to everyone, and that he, from above, saw her affection and gratitude.
For herself she did not care where she remained or what happened to her, but she felt herself the representative of her dead father and of Prince Andrew.
And the horror that had seized her when she touched him and convinced herself that that was not he, but something mysterious and horrible, seized her again.
"Dunyasha!" she screamed wildly, and tearing herself out of this silence she ran to the servants' quarters to meet her old nurse and the maidservants who came running toward her.
"My mistress, daughter of General in Chief Prince Nicholas Bolkonski who died on the fifteenth of this month, finding herself in difficulties owing to the boorishness of these people"--he pointed to the peasants--"asks you to come up to the house....
His kind, honest eyes, with the tears rising in them when she herself had begun to cry as she spoke of her loss, did not leave her memory.
Muttering to herself, she sat down on a chair.
Helene, having returned with the court from Vilna to Petersburg, found herself in a difficult position.
Had she attempted concealment, or tried to extricate herself from her awkward position by cunning, she would have spoiled her case by acknowledging herself guilty.
A woman sacrifices herself for you, she suffers, and this is her reward!
The enchanting, middle-aged Frenchman laid his hands on her head and, as she herself afterward described it, she felt something like a fresh breeze wafted into her soul.
Only Marya Dmitrievna Akhrosimova, who had come to Petersburg that summer to see one of her sons, allowed herself plainly to express an opinion contrary to the general one.
She was continually tormented by jealousy of her daughter, and now that jealousy concerned a subject near to her own heart, she could not reconcile herself to the idea.
She tried to get Nicholas back and wished to go herself to join Petya, or to get him an appointment somewhere in Petersburg, but neither of these proved possible.
But despite her grief, or perhaps just because of it, she took on herself all the difficult work of directing the storing and packing of their things and was busy for whole days.
His major-domo came in a second time to say that the Frenchman who had brought the letter from the countess was very anxious to see him if only for a minute, and that someone from Bazdeev's widow had called to ask Pierre to take charge of her husband's books, as she herself was leaving for the country.
The conflict of magnanimity between the mother and the daughter, ending in the mother's sacrificing herself and offering her daughter in marriage to her lover, even now agitated the captain, though it was the memory of a distant past.
Natasha rose slowly and carefully, crossed herself, and stepped cautiously on the cold and dirty floor with her slim, supple, bare feet.
She cautiously took one step and then another, and found herself in the middle of a small room containing baggage.
As soon as she saw Pierre, the woman almost threw herself at his feet.
She had fallen ill unexpectedly a few days previously, had missed several gatherings of which she was usually ornament, and was said to be receiving no one, and instead of the celebrated Petersburg doctors who usually attended her had entrusted herself to some Italian doctor who was treating her in some new and unusual way.
Among these was the governor's wife herself, who welcomed Rostov as a near relative and called him "Nicholas."
"You have met him, Aunt?" said she in a calm voice, unable herself to understand that she could be outwardly so calm and natural.
Herself a consummate coquette, she could not have maneuvered better on meeting a man she wished to attract.
Princess Mary, evidently engrossed by her thoughts, was crossing herself for the last time before leaving the church.
But a few days before they left Moscow, moved and excited by all that was going on, she called Sonya to her and, instead of reproaching and making demands on her, tearfully implored her to sacrifice herself and repay all that the family had done for her by breaking off her engagement with Nicholas.
Sonya burst into hysterical tears and replied through her sobs that she would do anything and was prepared for anything, but gave no actual promise and could not bring herself to decide to do what was demanded of her.
She must sacrifice herself for the family that had reared and brought her up.
To sacrifice herself for others was Sonya's habit.
I saw him lying on a bed," said she, making a gesture with her hand and a lifted finger at each detail, "and that he had his eyes closed and was covered just with a pink quilt, and that his hands were folded," she concluded, convincing herself that the details she had just seen were exactly what she had seen in the mirror.
When Princess Mary heard from Nicholas that her brother was with the Rostovs at Yaroslavl she at once prepared to go there, in spite of her aunt's efforts to dissuade her--and not merely to go herself but to take her nephew with her.
Whether it were difficult or easy, possible or impossible, she did not ask and did not want to know: it was her duty, not only to herself, to be near her brother who was perhaps dying, but to do everything possible to take his son to him, and so she prepared to set off.
It filled her whole soul, had become an integral part of herself, and she no longer struggled against it.
Latterly she had become convinced that she loved and was beloved, though she never said this definitely to herself in words.
There was only one expression on her agitated face when she ran into the drawing room--that of love--boundless love for him, for her, and for all that was near to the man she loved; and of pity, suffering for others, and passionate desire to give herself entirely to helping them.
It was plain that at that moment there was in Natasha's heart no thought of herself or of her own relations with Prince Andrew.
But she still hoped, and asked, in words she herself did not trust:
Hard as she had tried to prepare herself, and now tried to remain tranquil, she knew that she would be unable to look at him without tears.
"How are you now?" said Princess Mary, herself surprised at what she was saying.
She set herself a task on her stocking and resolved not to turn round till it was finished.
After she felt herself deserted by Princes Mary and alone in her grief, Natasha spent most of the time in her room by herself, sitting huddled up feet and all in the corner of the sofa, tearing and twisting something with her slender nervous fingers and gazing intently and fixedly at whatever her eyes chanced to fall on.
"I agreed," Natasha now said to herself, "that it would be dreadful if he always continued to suffer.
She was overcome by sweet sorrow and tears were already rising in her eyes; then she suddenly asked herself to whom she was saying this.
The sight of her father, the terribly wild cries of her mother that she heard through the door, made her immediately forget herself and her own grief.
She went in with rapid steps, pausing at the door for an instant as if struggling with herself, and then ran to her mother.
"My darling Mummy!" she repeated, straining all the power of her love to find some way of taking on herself the excess of grief that crushed her mother.
"Mary," she said timidly, drawing Princess Mary's hand to herself, "Mary, you mustn't think me wicked.
Together they felt more in harmony with one another than either of them felt with herself when alone.
One day she went quickly upstairs and found herself out of breath.
The countess is in a dreadful state; but it was necessary for Natasha herself to see a doctor.
After Pierre's departure that first evening, when Natasha had said to Princess Mary with a gaily mocking smile: "He looks just, yes, just as if he had come out of a Russian bath--in a short coat and with his hair cropped," something hidden and unknown to herself, but irrepressible, awoke in Natasha's soul.
Natasha gave herself up so fully and frankly to this new feeling that she did not try to hide the fact that she was no longer sad, but bright and cheerful.
"I never expected anything else of him," said Princess Mary to herself, feeling a joyous sense of her love for him.
"I expected nothing else," she told herself, calling her pride to her aid.
But she could not pacify herself with these reflections; a feeling akin to remorse troubled her when she thought of her visit.
And when she asked herself what distressed her, she had to admit that it was her relation to Rostov.
"I don't know why," she continued, recovering herself, "but you used to be different, and..."
The moment Nicholas took her hand she could no longer restrain herself and began to cry.
She took no pains with her manners or with delicacy of speech, or with her toilet, or to show herself to her husband in her most becoming attitudes, or to avoid inconveniencing him by being too exacting.
She felt that the allurements instinct had formerly taught her to use would now be merely ridiculous in the eyes of her husband, to whom she had from the first moment given herself up entirely--that is, with her whole soul, leaving no corner of it hidden from him.
To such an extent had Natasha let herself go that the way she dressed and did her hair, her ill-chosen words, and her jealousy--she was jealous of Sonya, of the governess, and of every woman, pretty or plain- -were habitual subjects of jest to those about her.
At home Natasha placed herself in the position of a slave to her husband, and the whole household went on tiptoe when he was occupied--that is, was reading or writing in his study.
When her next baby was born, despite the opposition of her mother, the doctors, and even of her husband himself-- who were all vigorously opposed to her nursing her baby herself, a thing then unheard of and considered injurious--she insisted on having her own way, and after that nursed all her babies herself.
On reading that letter (she always read her husband's letters) Natasha herself suggested that he should go to Petersburg, though she would feel his absence very acutely.
The old ladies were pleased with the presents he brought them, and especially that Natasha would now be herself again.
Knowing that Natasha asked nothing for herself, and gave him commissions for others only when he himself had offered to undertake them, he now found an unexpected and childlike pleasure in this purchase of presents for everyone in the house, and never forgot anything.
After the deaths of her son and husband in such rapid succession, she felt herself a being accidentally forgotten in this world and left without aim or object for her existence.
This meant two stockings, which by a secret process known only to herself Anna Makarovna used to knit at the same time on the same needles, and which, when they were ready, she always triumphantly drew, one out of the other, in the children's presence.
But she had to force herself to attend, for what he was saying did not interest her at all.
"Now who could decide whether he is really cleverer than all the others?" she asked herself, and passed in review all those whom Pierre most respected.
There was no point in working herself up this way.
Yet, no matter how many times she tried to reassure herself of that, she remained concerned.
Giddon held his hands out and the toddler hurled herself into his arms.
Tammy hurled herself across the room into his arms and started lavishing him with kisses and hugs that he returned with equal enthusiasm.
She forced herself to walk, not run, back to the house.
In her room she threw herself on the bed and sobbed herself free of tears.
She had allowed herself to fall into the role of mistress.
Eureka clung with her claws to the wooden side of the house and let herself down easily.
Miss Canby herself wrote kindly, "Some day you will write a great story out of your own head, that will be a comfort and help to many."
The best passages are those in which she talks about herself, and gives her world in terms of her experience of it.
All of these she answered herself, and she made public acknowledgment in letters to the newspapers.
Dear Frau Grote learned the manual alphabet, and used to teach me herself; but this was in private lessons, which were paid for by my friends.
Mrs. Hutton had already written to mother, asking her to telegraph if she was willing for me to have other advisers besides herself and Teacher.
Whatever doubts Miss Keller herself may have had are now at rest.
Moreover, Miss Sullivan does not see why Miss Keller should be subjected to the investigation of the scientist, and has not herself made many experiments.
She suggests herself that she can know them better than we do, because she can get the true dimensions and appreciate more immediately the solid nature of a sculptured figure.
Miss Keller talks to herself absent-mindedly in the manual alphabet.
Not all the attention that has been paid her since she was a child has made her take herself too seriously.
In a year after she first went to Helen Keller, Miss Sullivan found herself and her pupil the centre of a stupendous fiction.
Mr. Anagnos says in his report of 1887: She was obliged to begin her education at the lowest and most elementary point; but she showed from the very start that she had in herself the force and capacity which insure success....
Whenever anybody gives her anything, she points to it, then to herself, and nods her head.
She started forward, then hesitated a moment, evidently debating within herself whether she would go or not.
She amused herself with the beads until dinner-time, bringing the strings to me now and then for my approval.
She puts her hands in our plates and helps herself, and when the dishes are passed, she grabs them and takes out whatever she wants.
She devoted herself to her dolls the first evening, and when it was bedtime she undressed very quietly, but when she felt me get into bed with her, she jumped out on the other side, and nothing that I could do would induce her to get in again.
She makes many mistakes, of course, twists words and phrases, puts the cart before the horse, and gets herself into hopeless tangles of nouns and verbs; but so does the hearing child.
Finally Belle got up, shook herself, and was about to walk away, when Helen caught her by the neck and forced her to lie down again.
It is only necessary for one powerful nation like Russia--barbaric as she is said to be--to place herself disinterestedly at the head of an alliance having for its object the maintenance of the balance of power of Europe, and it would save the world!
The countess herself and her handsome eldest daughter were in the drawing-room with the visitors who came to congratulate, and who constantly succeeded one another in relays.
Princess Mary spent half of every day with little Nicholas, watching his lessons, teaching him Russian and music herself, and talking to Dessalles; the rest of the day she spent over her books, with her old nurse, or with "God's folk" who sometimes came by the back door to see her.
Like a cat, she had attached herself not to the people but to the home.
She smiled to herself - and not always because he rubbed her the wrong way.
Carmen disentangled herself from Destiny and urged her to lie down.
One old frequenter of these woods remembers, that as he passed her house one noon he heard her muttering to herself over her gurgling pot--"Ye are all bones, bones!"